Thrift Justice – We’ll Never Know What Might’ve Been

So, if you were here yesterday, you know the drill. If not, WHERE WERE YOU?! We’re looking at stuff I found at the thrift store that, while conversation pieces, weren’t worthy of being brought back to Casa Oeste (That’s “West” in Spanish. I think). Let’s jump in!

It’s the Double Dragon Cruiser! When Billy and Jimmy Lee aren’t busy fighting Shadow Master, they tool around town in this monstrosity. Cue Xzibit: “Yo dawg, I heard you like dragons!”

You know why you never see Mexico in post apocalyptic movies? BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL DRIVING AROUND IN SHIT LIKE THIS!!! Nobody’s going to Mexico when the streets are filled with fucking Datsuns painted metallic red, with afterburners and gatling guns! And there’s no way that tint is street legal.

To the Clapmobile! I think this is a bootleg toy of the limo from Beverly Hills Teens. Ya know, a limo with a pool in the back. Sounds awesome, unless you’re the driver. I’ve seen Elimidate. I know what happens when you introduce a pool or hot tub to drunk people. I hope he’s got some rubber gloves.

One modified Walkman spelled the downfall of 2 white men. No, this isn’t a Dateline special. This was Home Alone 2 – ya know, the one before Home Alone: The Adventures in Child Protective Services. I always wanted one of these, mainly because I planned to use it as a Walkman, and then I’d be able to use it for spy shit, should the need arise. Alas, I think I decided I’d rather have G.I. Joe stuff that year, so no Talkboy. I was really tempted to get this, but then I wondered if I’d be able to find a blank cassette tape. And then I wondered if it would provide more than 30 minutes of fun. Then I weighed the resale potential. Then I left it on the shelf.

This is the kind of car you used to find in the grocery store. Usually, I’d classify this as “Toys For Poor Kids”, but that’s not the case. Ya see, this was a special designation: “Toys, Just Because”. Nobody ever really wanted these things, but grocery store toy selection was poor in the 80s. It was either this, a rubber ball, some play money, or those shitty handcuffs. At least with this, you could maybe fit a M.A.S.K. guy in it. It wasn’t really about payoff – you only asked for this to see if you could get it. Depending on how nice your mom was feeling that day, you had a good shot. A child’s first taste of power comes when he/she seemingly manipulates a parental unit into buying them something that they don’t even want. Wow, I got deep there, huh?

So, there ya have it. I had one more pic, but WordPress just didn’t wanna load it, so this is the end of the road. Hope you enjoyed it, tell your friends, and come back tomorrow for West Week Ever!

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