Thrift Justice – All Filler, No Thriller

How’s that for an attention-grabbing headline, huh? Well, just like all kids can’t be honor students (I noticed your naked bumper), not all posts can be winners. Bottom line is that I’ve got a lot of pics I need to offload, and a lack of creativity at the moment. Also, my last two hauls are gonna BLOW YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MINDS when I finally get around to posting about them. Anyway, in my travels, I see a lot of stuff that I have to leave behind. It’s hard, but I just can’t provide a home to everything. I’m already violating several fire codes. So, sit back and see what might’ve been (also press play on your Little Texas CD if you have one). Oh, and the new logo is courtesy of Brian over at Cool and Collected!

First up, we’ve got this knockoff that appears to have been created using the mold from the Kenner Batman Returns Laser Bat. The hinges are even in the same place, however this is painted gold, and they slapped a bird face on the front. Apparently, it is piloted by a robot swimming in gold up to its neck. Seriously, only the head was popping up.

How fitting that the last time I wrote one of these posts, I used a 98 Degrees lyric for the title, and here they are! My favorite part is that there’s a card specifically for the teacher. Back in my day, she got “I Choo Choo Choose You” just like the rest of the kids. I wonder if it was somehow more adult than the rest of the cards. Well, good for her. Ms. Robbins works hard and deserves the fantasy of some guy on guy on guy on girl lovin’!

This is a bit of a cheat, as I found this in Toys “R” Us. Most people couldn’t understand the Best Lock Stargate license, but I think THIS is the most baffling knockoff toy of the year. Even though I’m not a gamer, I immediately recognized the name of Resident Evil‘s Chris Redfield. Now, I KNOW TRU didn’t pay for the RE license, so I think they’re hoping that the poor (economically, not circumstantially) kids who buy the True Heroes line are too poor to have ever seen Resident Evil. On the flip side, the RE fans fortunate enough to have played the game have never noticed this aisle before.

I knew Aircraft Fighter back when he was known as the Thunder Megazord. Of course, he was bigger then. He has looked better. I see he’s fallen on hard times. He’s clearly renting, as none of the pictures in his place have him in them. I hope he gets his shit together one day.

Here’s a cultural lesson for ya: in the UK, a MILF is known as a “yummy mummy” (Thanks, LamarRevenger!). How cute is that? Hardly seems worthy of a full book, what being a three step process:

1. Be hot

2. Have baby

3. Maintain hotness

Where’s my book deal?!

What becomes of the broookenhearted?!

I leave you with this pic. This motherfucker right here. It’s like if Dolemite was a rabid Smurfs fan. I don’t even know where to begin. You see my sleeve because I really had to sneak this pic. I have no doubt he had a knife in his Stacy Adams.

Ya know what? That, like knowing, was only half the battle. And half the pics I need to blow through. So, check in tomorrow when I’ll have another post! Happy Hanukkah!