“And I thought only assholes used the word ‘pansy’!”
So, I’m supposed to be Mr. Pop Culture, but there are many glaring omissions in my repertoire. For instance, I’ve never seen “Titanic”; probably the only red-blooded Metro American to admit that. Do they even use “metrosexual” anymore? I’m so out the loop these days!
Anyway, I plugged one of those holes tonight, and watched a movie I’d never seen before. Which movie? The Kevin Bacon tour de force “Footloose”!
In this day and age, too many people can’t dance. They admit it like it’s cute or something, “Oh, I can’t dance! *giggle*” Half of them, I think, say it just so when they actually kick ass on the dancefloor, you’ll be forced to say, “Hey, I thought you said you couldn’t dance!” It’s all a big tease.
Anyway, this movie touched me, and I realized something. I realized that if dancing were illegal, like crack, everybody would be a fucking Solid Gold dancer. Nothing like making something “black market” to increase its demand. Music is too accessible, so we take it for granted. We’ve got AM, FM, XM, mp3s, ringtones… It’s too much. If you had to turn tricks for a cassette, you’d APPRECIATE that music! I can see it now:
“Yo, man…I gotta have a hit. I’ll take anything. I’ll DO anything!”
“Anything? Well, I’ve got 2 hits of Britney, some Starship, and some old Skee-Lo. But it’ll cost ya. You sure you ain’t a cop?”
This town outlawed dancing, and the if these kids heard 4 bars of Kenny Loggins, for those few seconds they were all Julliard grads. I mean, Kevin Bacon was lauding the praises of Men at Work, for God’s sake! Men at Work! Those kids were jonesin’ for music like it was going out of style!
And notice how there were no Blacks. Yeah, I know it was a small midwestern town, but that was symbolic. The day that town outlawed dancers, either all the Blacks were executed or they simply left town. ‘Cause there ain’t no way in HELL Black people gonna live in a town where they can’t dance. It’s not that they dance all the time, but they’d like the option if the mood strikes them. Same goes for the Latin community. You ever watch Telemundo? They can’t give a weather report without dancing! Oh God, I’ve become such a bigot….
I also got another idea: I want a dance-off between Kevin Bacon and Patrick Swayze. It would be a joint sequel of sorts. I like to call it “Dirty Footing”! In theaters Fall 2006. “‘Cause nobody outlaws Baby!”
