So, the broadcast network upfronts are next week, where they unveiled their Fall schedules. And, in order to do that, they’ve got to make room for the new stuff. That’s why we’re knee deep in a bloodbath right now, as shows are getting cancelled left and right. Let’s take a closer look at the shows we won’t get a chance to see again, shall we?
- Taken (NBC) – After 2 seasons, this completely unnecessary prequel to the Liam Neeson film trilogy is getting a bullet to the head.
- Life Sentence (The CW) – Starring Lucy Hale, of Pretty Little Liars fame, this show got cut after one season ’cause nobody cared. It was about a woman who thinks she’s dying so she throws caution to the wind – only to find out her diagnosis was wrong, and then she has to live with the consequences of her actions. This concept is just like Jane The Virgin to me, in that my immediate thought is “I hope this chick has a good lawyer!”
- Valor (The CW) – The few, the brave, the cancelled. Yeah, The CW’s entry into military drama got canned after one season. It was a crowded field this season, though, as NBC also debuted The Brave, while CBS brought out the David Boreanaz-led SEAL Team. Out of those 3, only the Boreanaz show was a success – Because he’s a vampire. Bitches love vampires. I kid, I kid.
- The Brave (NBC) – Yup, NBC’s entry into the military game also flamed out after its first season. I never watched it, but I know Don Draper’s piano key toothed ex-wife was their handler or whatever. Oh well.
- The Mick (Fox) – This one stung, ’cause I really enjoyed this show. Ultimately, it’s just Kaitlin Olson playing her Sweet Dee character from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, but in a new setting. It wasn’t a stretch, but she’s good at what she does, so it worked. I guess the viewers just weren’t there after two seasons.
- The Last Man On Earth (Fox) – After four seasons, Fox pulled the plug on the adventures of Will Forte and the small family of survivors that has formed after a virus pretty much wipes out everyone in the world. I liked this show, but it never really seemed like it had an endgame. It always felt like more of an indie comedy film than a TV series. That said, when I did my upfronts post the year it debuted, I swore it wouldn’t last, so the fact that it got 4 seasons is amazing. Still, it has never been a ratings hit, so every season finale should’ve been written as a potential series finale. Now they’re gonna have to deal with the fact that they’re stuck with that ALF ending…
- Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Fox) – After five seasons, the precinct is closed. This show is like Bob’s Burgers to me, where I don’t want to like it, but have pretty much enjoyed it whenever I’ve seen it. Still, it’s not “destination television” for me. Still, it has never been a ratings hit and, at five seasons, it’s no longer a cheap show to produce. Still, a small part of me wonders if its cancellation is part of the Hollywood conspiracy gunning for Terry Crews since he spoke out about his sexual assault. I mean, it’s not like he was trying to buy NBC, but still… Anyway, there are rumors that Netflix and Hulu are in talks to save the show, but those guys have been shying away from show rescues lately because they don’t want to be seen as the home of the networks’ scraps.
- The Expanse (SyFy) – I have no clue what this show is about. Is it about a big gap? A wide open space? *Googles* Oh, that sound stupid! Like some kind of Starship Troopers/Earth: Final Conflict mash-up. Anyway, don’t think I watch anything on SyFy now. They just don’t have anything that appeals to me. Wynonna Earp? To me, SyFy is currently a channel that airs nothing but shows that would’ve aired in syndication on your local WB affiliate 20 years ago. That shit worked because it was cheap, but it ain’t something you prop up a network with.
- Lucifer (Fox) – The Devil is in the details…and the unemployment line, as Fox has cancelled Lucifer after 3 seasons. But he was so dashing! Again, when I first wrote about this when it debuted at its upfront presentation, I said the show would never fly in the Bible Belt. So, I think 3 seasons is pretty impressive. Still, if they killed this, then The Exorcist and Gotham better watch their asses!
- The Exorcist (Fox) – While I was writing this, it got the chop.
- Quantico (ABC) – After 3 seasons, Priyanka Chopra just wasn’t hot enough to keep this show on the air. I’m sure she’ll bounce back quickly, though.
- Designated Survivor (ABC) – You can’t give us 9 years of badass Jack Bauer and then replace him with wimpy “I dunno if I want to be President” Tom Kirkman. Sorry, Kiefer. You ARE Jack Bauer from now on, so you might as well either go back to 24 or hop on the convention circuit.
Most of the shows I listed were “on the bubble” for multiple seasons, meaning their renewal could’ve gone either way multiple times. Yes, I realize that it takes time for a show to find an audience. Seinfeld wasn’t a hit out of the gate. I remember How I Met Your Mother was on the bubble til around season 4. That said, TV has changed. There are too many options, and these things are too expensive, to just wait around and hope folks show up. These days, I don’t believe any show should be on the bubble for two consecutive seasons. The show debuts weak, yet manages to get a second season, great. But they better do everything in their power to get the word out during that second season. This would pretty much guarantee shows have 2 seasons to make their mark, but a show shouldn’t still be on the bubble in season 4 (looking at you, The Last Man On Earth). I know some folks are close to these shows, but nothing on that list surprises me.
It’s not all doom and gloom, though, as some fan favorites also scored renewals this week:
- The Resident (Fox) – Never watched it, but I’m sure folks are only watching for Emily Van Camp
- The Detour (TBS) – I loved this show during the first season. Fell off during the second, and completely missed the third. But I’m glad it got renewed ’cause that’ll inspire me to go back and catch up.
- Speechless (ABC) – It’s cute enough. Minnie Driver on a weekly basis. My wife likes it. Not really surprised, but it’ll be more interesting to see what ABC does with Black-ish and Fresh Off the Boat.
- The 100 (The CW) – I only know one person who watches this show, but clearly he’s just one of a larger number. Just remember that The CW has lower ratings for renewals, though…
- A.P. Bio (NBC) – Here we have another Sunny actor, displaying no range at all, by playing the exact same character as on Sunny. The problem I had with this show was that the lack of amoral friends around him just makes it more pronounced that he’s a sociopath. I’d watch this as an small budget comedy film, from A24 or something, but this just didn’t feel like a series to me.
- Chicago Fire/Chicago Med/Chicago PD (NBC) – NBC continues to employ the city of Chicago, as they renewed all three of Dick Wolf’s Chicago-set shows. Meanwhile, the maggots are still feasting on the corpse of last season’s ill-fated Chicago Law.
- Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) – Dick Wolf keeps collecting checks, as NBC also renewed SVU for a record-tying 20th season. Rapists beware, ’cause Ice-T and Mariska Hagitay are comin’ for ya!
- Good Girls (NBC) – There’s a show on free TV that provides free Christina Hendricks on a weekly basis, and I still can’t manage to care about it. I’m actually surprised this got renewed, as the ratings were soft, but I know they felt the cast, including Hendricks and Retta, was strong. It’s about 3 women who rob a grocery store in order to pay their bills or something. The whole “regular folks get pulled into a life of crime” thing sounds very Breaking Bad to me, which isn’t a bad thing, but not something I feel like revisiting right now.
- Santa Clarita Diet (Netflix) – The Drew Barrymore/Timothy Olyphant show is about a couple who become zombies or cannibals or something. I dunno. They’re not like “Braaaainsss!” but they do eat people. I hear it’s funny. I’ll never know.
- Rick & Morty (Adult Swim) – The show was renewed for a whopping 70 additional episodes, which will take them over 100 episodes (I guess they’re after that syndication money). That’s enough episodes to not only jump the shark, but then swing around and fuck it. Nah, this ain’t happening. Show creators Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland have a relationship that doesn’t seem stable enough to see this through. We might get another season, but there’s NO WAY we get all 70. Bookmark this page now, and let me repeat it for the folks in the cheap seats: THERE’S NO WAY WE’RE GETTING ALL 70 EPISODES.
- Last Man Standing (Fox) – Since the Roseanne revival has shown there’s room for conservative voices in sitcoms, Fox wants their piece of the pie, so they’ve ordered a revival of Tim Allen’s former ABC sitcom Last Man Standing. Ugh. Ya know, I didn’t hate that show. I do hate that it’s framed as a showcase for a “conservative voice”. At the end of the day, I felt like it was more than that. Allen was the star, but always seemed kinda like an asshole, while his freer-thinking wife and kids continuously took him to task. He wasn’t quite a modern-day Archie Bunker, as he never seemed to learn anything from his confrontations. He just kinda felt like the country used to be better and is only getting worse. Yay? At the end of the day, this doesn’t fit on Fox’s schedule ’cause they don’t currently have any other multi-camera sitcoms, but maybe they’ll pair it with The Cool Kids, coming from the folks behind Sunny.
Things You Might Have Missed This Week
- Officer Martin Riggs has left the building, as Lethal Weapon star Clayne Crawford has been fired for his onset behavior. Reports say that he and costar Damon Wayans weren’t even speaking to each other at the end of the season. Now, the show’s third season renewal is in jeopardy, as they’re are reportedly looking to replace the role with a female character.
- Following the firing of star Jeffrey Tambor for his onset behavior, it was announced that Amazon series Transparent will end after its upcoming 5th season.
- Disney’s acquisition of Fox just got a little more complicated, as Comcast is reportedly preparing a cash offer for Fox. I knew y’all were getting too excited about “The Fantastic Four are coming home!” There’s a good chance you’ll end up with Fantastic Four Meet The Minions.
- Speaking of Marvel, it has been explicitly stated that Venom will not be part of the MCU. Um, AND? I could’ve told y’all that!
- The Deadpool marketing team gave us this…odd music video, featuring chanteuse Celine Dion. Yeah, they’re just trying too damn hard.
- Before we completely walk away from Marvel, I had this little fanboy theory the other day.
- Apparently we’re finally getting the third Bill & Ted movie, called Bill & Ted Face The Music. Do y’all realize that Bill & Ted are currently the same age that Carlin was when he played Rufus? Just throwing it out there to remind you that you’re old!
- Arrested Development‘s 5th season debuts on Netflix on May 29th, but don’t get too excited for a 6th. Aside from the fact that Jeffrey Tambor is something of a pariah right now, some cast members are upset about the recent season 4 “remix”. You see, they were paid for 15 episodes, but the newly recut version of the season stretches it out to 22. So, they feel they should be compensated for those 7 additional episodes.
- Luke Cage is back for season 2 on June 22nd. Hopefully I will have seen season 1 by then, but I doubt it.
- Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn made a bunch of grown men cry this week when he revealed that Groot’s final words to Rocket Raccoon in Avengers: Infinity War meant “Dad”.
- Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson apparently now includes a “social media fee” in his movie contracts. This means that he gets paid $1 million simply to tweet about his OWN movie, so the studio can leverage his follower base.
Nobody had a week quite like Donald Glover. By Sunday morning, everyone was talking about his latest music video for “This Is America”. By Monday morning, everyone had a thinkpiece about what it meant. This is after coming off a pretty good hosting stint on Saturday Night Live the night before. Here’s one of my favorite sketches from that episode:
The beauty of the “This Is America” roll-out is that he hasn’t really addressed or explained its meaning, so folks are running wild with theories and Easter eggs. All this did was keep him at the forefront of people’s minds.
Over the course of the week, he attended both the Met Gala and the premiere for Solo: A Star Wars Story. Then, last night saw the season finale of his hit series Atlanta.
I could gush over him, or I could discuss the cultural quagmire he seems to have found himself in. Ya know, “How can he be Woke Bae when he got a White baby mama?” Yeah, I don’t have time for all that, and that’s not why you come here. Plus, I’ve been running really long the past few weeks, and I really need to wrap this up. So, Donald Glover had the West Week Ever.
