“You’re, like, my Black Spock…like in Voyager.”

OK, I should be asleep, but I had another weird TVLand observation I needed to write about. After the whole Good Times thing, I caught an episode of Star Trek. A lot of people don’t realize that, despite my love for the franchise, I am not that much of a fan of the Original Series; I like The Next Generation onward. Lately, however, TVLand has been showing the classics, like when the crew goes up against Space Lincoln. Well, this morning was the Khan episode, “Space Seed”.

A lot of you may know Khan as “the villain with the bitchin’ pecs from Star Trek II”. Yes, that is Khan, but he first appeared in the series. When they find Khan, he’s on a derelict freighter, with about 70 other people. They’ve been frozen since the 1990s, and the Enterprise crew tries to figure out what their story might be. To me, though, the crux of the episode is that Khan is such a charismatic motherfucker, and he macks one of Kirk’s women off the bat. This is a process that I like to call “Outblacking”. Kirk was essentially outblacked by Khan. How does this work? Well, let me tell you.

The “outblack” concept was something I came up with in college. When you have a frat party, and one Black guy, the odds are in Black guy’s favor because he has a card that he can play at any point. He can remain quiet and enjoy the dip, or he can bust out and become the life of the party, making the other (mainly White) guys insecure. He has, in effect, outblacked them. But here’s where things get hairier. Say, you have a guy like me as “the Black guy”, but in walks a thug. His street cred is stronger than my kung fu. By virtue of his “keepin’ it real”, I’ve been outblacked. He is then entitled to my women and my kick ass party reputation. From that point, I either have to leave the party, or try to act like we’re friends, so that everyone else thinks we know each other (don’t all Black people know each other anyway?), therefore leeching off his blackness chi. You can see this played out every weekend in clubs across America. It’s the most base form of Black on Black crime.

James T. Kirk is the pimp of the Alpha Quadrant. Because pop culture seems to imply that sex appeal and sheer and utter pimpness are “Black concepts” (see Bill Clinton), this makes Kirk Black. Well, here comes Khan and he seems to snatch the one chick on the Enterprise who wouldn’t give Kirk any play. Surprise, Kirk! You’ve been outblacked! And all it took was a Mexican with Jesus hair. She didn’t even get a chance to see that magnificent chest of his.

I’m thinking about contacting some BET people, and seeing if Outblacked! would make a good show. After all, they put Hell Date on the air, so I really don’t think they can find much fault with my idea…


6 thoughts on “OutBlacked!

  1. From Not Another Teen Movie (2001):

    Malik: What are you doing here?

    Other black guy at party: What do you mean?

    Malik: I am supposed to be the only black guy at this party.

    Other black guy at party: Oh, damn. Shit.

    Malik: I know, I know.

    Other black guy at party, Malik:
    [Together] It’s whack.

    This is what the “outblacked” part reminded me of.

  2. heh heh heh…I need to write a blog on the answer to “outblacking,” what I call the “Chameleon Theory of 2007.”

    – Me.

  3. Perceptive post, Will. Sadly, the enduring racism our generation exudes creates odd and unlikely phenomena like “outblacking”, because mixed racial company does not de-racialize any of us.

    Honestly, this reminds me of the first Cornell party i ever attended. A group of Asian women danced in a circle in fornt of my man Chris and me, and when one of them backed into my front and kept dancing, I didn’t move.

    Her friends alerted her to my presence, she turned, looked at me, screamed loudly, and ran away. Literally.

    Given this history, I find it really interesting to read about people able to make their melanin concentrations work for them, as opposed to suffering in their skin like so many of us.

    Although this begs a question: when we were both at the same party, did you outblack me or did I outblack you?

  4. Oh and just a side note. All the blogger instructions are in Japanese even though your blog is based in the US…funky! Good thing I’ve learned Kana. Bad thing I don’t know Kanji.

  5. Back to James’s question, we never really outblacked each other. A lot of it depends on environment. Say, when you came to an a cappella party, I won because I was “just black enough”. I was harmless, but might have had some kind of edge. You, they were afraid of. Too many urban legends about throwing bottles and punching doors. The SA made good and sure that your legend lived on, so when you went out, it almost transcended race. Sure, there was definitely a racial component, but you weren’t allowed to play the outblacking game.

    Now, if we were at an Africana thing, you outblacked me, but they begrudgingly acknowledged it. They didn’t want either of us, but you “kept it realer”. While you were the crazy guy who was always mad, you weren’t always seen singing to white girls and crashing crush parties. They revoked my card very early in the game, despite the fact that it was my double major…

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