“Sometimes, I think you want me to touch you…”
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I love those TBS commercials where people can call in to a call center to find out if a particular situation is funny or not. I really wish that existed, because sometime you’re just not sure whether or not you should be laughing at something.
So, I’ve been wrapped up in Style’s “21 Day Wedding Party” (thanks a *lot* for that, Style Network). I used to think that picking up The Biggest Loser reruns was the worst idea that the network had, but I see that they had bigger mistakes up their sleeves. My problem with Style is that they run a show into the ground.
A month ago, you couldn’t turn on that channel without seeing Niecy trying to get somebody to sell their grandmother’s wedding dress. Then, they got on this Biggest Loser kick and wouldn’t stop showing it. I swear, I watched those same motherfuckers lose weight about 5 different times. I know that they were playing different seasons, yet I kept seeing Season 2 . Since it was before Matt & Suzy started dating, it was grating watching it, just knowing where it was headed. Plus, I have to say that Suzy hit a point, just before going back home, where she actually looked her best. Skinny Suzy doesn’t look good. “Thick Suzy” was just right. But that’s coming from a Black man. What do we know about “society’s standard of beauty”?
Anyway, now I’m watching the 21 Day Wedding Party, and certain things just keep jumping out at me, particularly the How Do I Look? and Biggest Loser portion. First off, How Do I Look? They chose a soon-to-be-bride, who needed a makeover to make her more “wifely”. Apparently, she’d been really sick, so the makeover was under the guise that she was being rewarded for all that she’d been through. Even so, it doesn’t seem like she’d ever been a fashion maven, so to give her a makeover was almost deceptive. Don’t use the sick chick as a fixer-upper! Especially seeing as how nobody ever seems to leave that show happy. Sure, they tolerate the experience, and they acknowledge that they look better at the end, but they’re still hurt that it had to come to the point where their mom, best friend, and some random stylist had to pretty them up with the help of Skeletor.
Now, on to The Biggest Loser, which was focusing on engaged couples. I think this is a terrible idea. First of all, it was pretty intense to see that one of the brides-to-be far outweighed her betrothed. That’s gotta hurt! But I don’t think the couples were comparable. Sure, they were all in the same general weight class, but the same plan isn’t going to work for everyone. While The Biggest Loser model acknowledges this, it’s built on individual success. Sure, there’s the part of the season where they’re paired up, and this is the same case. Tom might be chugging along, shedding those pounds, but Mindy just ain’t making any headway. It’s especially stressing when the prize is your dream wedding. If they lose weight, great. But I think they’re setting themselves up for disaster. If they met fat, stay fat, but a “healthy fat”. Because you have 3 options: 1) you both stay slim and healthy 2) one of you stays healthy and you both resent each other or 3) one of you stays slim, but is then dragged back down by the fat one. I don’t like those odds. Man, I’m starting to sound like Marcus here…
I’m curious to see how they plan to squeeze 21 days out of this whole thing. This morning, I woke up to an episode of The Modern Girls Guide to Style that was about 2 yrs old. They’re really going to be scraping the vault for this. The bulk of it is going to be Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? And let me just say, I have seen some loveless marriages on that show! The other day, there was this old, Black restauranteur who was marrying this Spanish girl half his age. Now, this kind of shit probably happens everyday, but this chick didn’t even speak English! They had to get a Spanish minister (in addition to the primary minister) just so she’d understand his vows. The wedding came in at about $70,000 and he didn’t bat an eye, but in conversation, this dude was *country*! I wish they’d do a follow-up special because I’m convinced it was a green-card, mail-order sex scam.
I hope they do go back into the vault, though, because I’d love to see the episodes of Whose Wedding… that take place in the storefront church in Texas. Those episodes are the biggest departure for the show, as they focused more on rednecks and shotgun weddings, but I liked them because they made the experience more inclusive. Nowadays, it’s all destination weddings and yuppies (how the fuck does a 27 yr old afford a destination wedding in Ireland? Someone explain that to me!). I love to see the trials and tribulations of a White girl getting married to her Mexican boyfriend, with his gang in the pews, weeks before their baby is due. That scenario actually occurred in the Texas episodes.
Speaking of weddings, why is it that everyone around me is getting married, yet I ain’t getting invited to any weddings? Sure, you guys eloped. And I lost touch with you for a few years. But I still feel it’s telling. Oh well, that’s the last stop for the Pity Bus…
trust me, being INVITED is worse.