Mommy Looks Like Grimace

“I am Colin: god of sex!”

First off, I’d like to thank Karlos, for he’s the only person playing my little Christmas quote game. He’s good. I’ve gotten two e-mails from him already. Any of y’all can join in. It ain’t like it’s rocket science! Anydangways…

So, my mom’s in this nouveau cult called the Red Hats. Apparently, a bunch of old broads over 50 get together for social functions etc. There are a couple of guidelines, such as they must wear purple dresses along with their red hats. The whole organization’s like an old-head sorority. There are different chapters, and some are a lot more distinguished than others. At the moment, she’s kinda disappointed because her chapter isn’t exactly “up to par”. She feels as if she’s slumming, but a good friend from work invited her. Regardless, she’s currently scouting better, more well-to-do chapters to join. My point? Well, there’s a funny story here.

Today, getting ready for church, I noticed she had on the purple dress, and I HATE that dress. It’s SO unflattering. So, I told her she looked like Grimace. Yup, “what-in-the-world-is-he-’cause-Mcdonald’s-doesn’t-serve-anything-purple” Grimace. Dismayed, she asked, “Couldn’t you have at least said ‘Barney’?”

“Nope,” I replied. “See, you’ve got a teardrop shape going on, kinda like an eggplant. And that’s PURE Grimace.”

But it gets better: I made a song out of it. The following is sung to the tune of Nat King Cole’s Christmas song, “Caroling”.

Caroling, caroling through the town

Mommy looks like Grimace

Caroling, caroling up and down

Mommy looks like Grimace

With her red shoes, hat, and coat

She will run just like a goat

Ding, Dong

Ding, Dong

Mommy looks like Grimace

Hey, I thought it was funny…