It’s Slurpee Day, bitches! Go out, and enjoy one of the few freedoms we have left! Anyway, we’ve come to the end of the first official week of Camp Ellie Mae. What’s Camp Ellie Mae? So glad you asked! See, when I was growing up, folks would always ask my mom if I was going to camp for the summer, which I never was, because my grandmother lived with us. Aside from the social aspect, my mom just saw summer camp as something parents did when they didn’t have other childcare options. So, why spend unnecessary money, when we’ve got an Ellie Mae (my grandmother’s name) at home? So, she’d tell them “Oh, he’s going to Camp Ellie Mae.” So, like so many others in this region, my job was eliminated last month, so it was time to reopen the doors of Camp Ellie Mae for my own kids. I had to clear out the cobwebs, and take care of a little black mold problem, but we’re open for business! Activities include Tablet Time, Grass Watching, Extended Nap Time, and Playground Excursions. The curriculum is provided by 123 GO!, which I swear I’m gonna take down one day (Parents, are you familiar with 123 GO!? It’s basically “What if there was a Saved By The Bell porn parody, with no sex, and filmed with overdubbed Ukrainian 20-year olds?” Anyway, something about it has got to be violating international laws). I’d say you should check us out, but we’re at capacity, and there’s quite the waitlist!
I saw Superman earlier this week, but I know most of you haven’t, so we’ll save that for next week. I did, however, promise I’d give y’all time to catch up on Ironheart, so I guess it’s time to finally discuss the last half of the season. I can’t tell you how much it pains me to have to write about this, given how much I loved the first three episodes, and how much I didn’t love the last 3 episodes. Basically, the show took everything I loved about it, and then inverted it in the second half, which felt like a shame. “Joe McGillicuddy” was one of my favorite new MCU characters, and it held true when we discovered he was really Ezekiel Stane. I was a nice callback to Iron Man, and the beginning of the MCU. The character had a lot of potential, especially as a techie of virtue. Instead, however, they just made him Obadiah Stane/Justin Hammer, being corrupted by power. Also, I don’t love electricity powers, as they always come across so underwhelming. It’s like a cheap way to convey a power: “Ooh, look – there’s electricity surging around him!” Ugh. So, now Joe is out there, all cyborged up, and angry at Riri. That isn’t what I wanted for him.
Meanwhile, let’s talk about Riri. She ruined a lot of lives, and never really takes accountability for any of it. I mean, she killed a guy, she ruined Zeke’s life, she destroyed a White Castle. Then, she embraces Magic (with a capital M) without question. She went from being a non-believer to “Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt” without any real character arc there. It’s not like she was ever really spiritual, and she was just using her mom and her mom’s friends just like she uses everyone else in her life. She’s a Habitual User, where people are only as valuable as what they can do for her. Zelma tries to warn her that Magic comes with a cost, and she treated that like Klarna, where she figured she’d worry about that later. And then, when everything was said and done, she made a deal with the frickin’ Marvel DEVIL?! I know it’s doing the dangling MCU thing, but given how virtually none of the threads from Phase 4 or 5 have been resolved, this is just another thing to throw on the pile.
Random thoughts: From the ads, I really thought that Zelma was gonna turn out to be Lunella Lafayette, aka Moon Girl. I’m not sure why, but I guess it made sense in my head, as they were both “sciency”, and shared that Black Girl Magic. That said, despite Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaur being considered MCU canon, there was no way they were going to introduce a live action Devil Dinosaur. But I can’t say I liked the Zelma Stanton reveal that much, either. I liked the idea that the Stantons sort of “danced around” magic. Like, they knew something was out there, and they sort of knew how to occasionally access it. But when it was revealed they had fled Kamar-Taj, and they had a secret workshop in a mirror dimension under the candy shop, that was a bridge too far for me. I guess Zelma is an actual character from the Strange Academy comic, which I didn’t read, nor had any interest to do so. After Multiverse of Madness, I’d be just fine never seeing Doctor Strange or Kamar-Taj ever again.
Also didn’t love that Parker’s motivation was simply that his dad didn’t love him. That’s the motivation for, like, half the MCU! You really could take that energy and go either way with it, but I expected something more here. Maybe he was like Dr. Doom, who learned sorcery so he could save his mother’s soul from Hell. Maybe he was secretly gay lovers with his “cousin”, John. Hell, maybe John was secretly the demon that had given him the hood. I just needed something that I never got here. Plus, he was too easy to defeat, and he walked away, seemingly poised to return again someday. I know folks say the MCU has a “Villain Problem”, but I feel the problem is less that they kill all the good ones, and more that they don’t know how to effectively use the good ones more than once.
Anyway, the ending isn’t bad, but it didn’t feel like a fitting resolution for what had been established. Oh, well. “It be’s that way sometimes…”
Trailer Park
Red Sonja (Theaters, August 15)
My God, this looks horrible! Let me guess: filmed in Prague, with a budget of $12M? This thing looks like it was made 10 years ago, and it would have been a box office failure then, too. It either would have starred some Not Ready For Movies former WB starlet OR it would have been released at Walmart, at the same time as an actual Red Sonja movie, but this would be called Red Sara. This is one of those movies where, years from now, the star will marry the director, and it’ll all make sense.
Run The Numbers
I read quite a few trades and graphic novels this week, and even sadder is that I own the physical copies of most of them, yet read them digitally because I was too lazy to go down to my basement to get them. We don’t stand a chance against the impending robot war! Anyway, let’s take a look at what I got through this week.
First up, there was Free Agents Vol 1: After The War Was Over, written by Kurt Busiek and Fabian Nicieza, with art by Stephen Mooney. Given the pedigree of both writers, you’d think this would be really good, but you’d be wrong. In fact, it’s sort of shocking how bad it is. I know Nicieza gets a bad rap, due to the fact he’s associated with the most gimmicky era of the X-Men books, but Busiek did Avengers with George Perez. Surely, he’d save this! NOPE. The whole thing is a mess.
After fighting an interdimensional war, one specific platoon finds themselves stranded on Earth, after their commander sacrifices himself to cover their escape. Now, on Earth, they believe the war is over, and they’re trying to figure out their next steps. Half of the group wants to stay and make new lives here, while the others have only known Soldier Life, and seem to be dying to get back to the fight. Any fight. So, things take a real twist when their commander shows up on their doorstep, having seemingly survived that final battle. And he’s all about whipping them into shape, for some coming battle. So, the ones who love Earth are all “What battle? The war is over.”, and he’s all “THE WAR IS NEVER OVER!” Pretty intense, that guy. Meanwhile, they cross over with some other Image heroes, like Busiek’s own Superstar, as well as Radiant Black. The rest of the world aren’t sure what to make of these “Free Agents”, so the other heroes are trying to size them up. Oh, and it shouldn’t come as any surprise that there’s more to their returned commander than it might seem.
This is an interesting book in that it does just enough to keep you interested in the next issue. Just enough. Most of the character aren’t that likeable, but there are a few who are. Each member comes from a different dimension/race, so I’m not gonna give you a roll call here. Just know that some are more human than others, but they’ve all been negatively affected by the evil emperor The Argive. That’s another problem I had: a bunch of terms and names that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. There was a time when I’d say that Busiek clearly had a thesaurus sitting next to him, but it’s more likely he let Nicieza run it through ChatGPT. I remember when Star Trek: The Next Generation started, a lot of TOS fans didn’t love all the “techno-babble”. I grew up with it, so I learned quickly, but this book lets me see what they were talking about, as there seems to be a lot of techno-speak designed to fill in where there’s no actual story. Plus, I feel like I already know where this is headed, so I don’t think I need to read any more of this particular series.
Next, I read volumes 2, 3, and 4 of What’s The Furthest Place From Here? – basically all the issues that have been collected to this point. In case you didn’t read my volume 1 write-up, the series is set in a world without adults, where the only survivors of…something have been grouped into themed houses. The series particularly focuses on the members of The Academy, on the run after the destruction of their home, and in search of their missing member, Sid. The problem with bingeing anything is that the dividing lines between stories and issues start to blur. Also – and this is something I forgot to mention when i discussed volume 1 – it’s sort of clunky how the story is divided into chapters, within the single issues, yet a “chapter” might be two pages. So, there’s a lot of start and stop that messes with the flow for the reader. You get used to it after a while, but it feels somewhat unnecessary.
Anyway, the surviving members of The Academy finally catch up with their missing member, Sid, and then the real craziness begins. We also learn the “truth’ about The City, which is the mythical land of grown-ups that most never find. Through this part of the story, we get several versions of what happened to the world before it became all of…this. And I’m starting to get the feeling that no one actually knows. I mean, they’re all seemingly close, but it’s like that saying about how there’s three sides to every story – two sides, with the truth somewhere in the middle. Also, I’m starting to think this is turning into one of those stories where the “cause” doesn’t matter. Now, I don’t usually care if that happens, as it’s sort of unrealistic to expect this scrappy group of teenagers to save the world, despite what Katniss Everdeen and Harry Potter would have you believe. That’s just not the scope of the story being told, so it wouldn’t really do them any good to find out WHY things are like this. The best they can hope for is to find some little corner of the place, not filled with cannibals, where they can live out the rest of their days. That said, something was said about The City, which seemed to indicate that the kids have never been in any real danger, despite the fact we’ve seen people die. So, were those “deaths” staged? It seems farfetched, but there’s a scene in a flashback that supports the idea that some of those deaths weren’t exactly what they seemed at the time.
So, I’m gonna stick with this series, but I do wonder about the endgame, as well as how far we are from it. The current issue out right now is only #22, and I personally feel like they’ve got 2 more organic arcs in them. So, maybe get us to 30 and be done. That said, if I compare this to a Vertigo series, those things tended to go 60 issues. Then, a comparable Image series, like The Walking Dead, went for almost 200 issues. There’s definitely a lot of worldbuilding going on, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t getting a little tired of all of it. Let’s land the plane!
OK, I was a little unfair to this last book, so I had to go back and really think about what I had experienced. Timid: A Graphic Novel, by Jonathan Todd, is a Scholastic Graphix release about a black 12-year old named Cecil, who longs to be a professional cartoonist, yet his “old school” father feels it’s an unrealistic goal. Set in the 80s, Cecil moves from Florida to Massachusetts, and is struck by the culture shock. Before she goes off to college, his older sister warns him not to be an “Oreo”, and insists that he make friends with the black kids in his new school. Now, I won’t say that Cecil “doesn’t see race”, but it’s not something that really concerns him. However, his sister’s words sort of continue to ring in the back of his head, so he feels uncomfortable in any public interaction with the white kids, for fear the black kids will see it and prepare to dunk him in a tall glass of milk. As you can imagine, it was a semiautobiographical story about the author’s own childhood, and I guess you’re supposed to feel like he persevered, given you’re reading “his” professionally published tale.
So, I was immediately struck by how…not great the art was. It’s definitely serviceable, and I could say it’s more consistent than anything I could have done. But it didn’t scream “professional”, especially given how long he’s been at this. Next, I had an issue with the story itself, in that there isn’t really a full arc there. I mean, by the end of the book, he’s a bit more comfortable in his own skin. He’s not There yet, but he’s getting closer. If this turns out to be the first in a series, then it’s a strong start. As a standalone book, however, it leaves the reader wanting.
This is when I had to take a step back. You see, at the end of the day, this is a “Middle Grades” book, which means it’s for grades 3-7. Now, my experience with these books has basically been the Raina Telgemeier stuff, but that’s the Middle Grades Gold Standard. It’s not necessarily fair to Timid for me to compare it to Smile, but I could see Smile as something Timid should be aspiring to be. Some folks might say “It wasn’t meant for you, Will”, but Harry Potter was written for children, and some of y’all have gotten a second mortgage just so you can go taste butterbeer, so you can stop with that excuse. Good writing is universal, and this was just decent.
Things You Might Have Missed This Week
- Entertainment Weekly revealed that Sinners actually used some costumes from the stalled MCU Blade film.
- Her official title might have been CEO of X, but I liked to think of her as the Birdbrain in Charge of the Bird App. Either way, Linda Yaccarino realized she was no match for an A.I. Nazi , when Grok sort of pulled on its white hood, and she stepped down from the role she’s had for nearly two years.
- The Netflix Queer Eye reboot will be ending with its upcoming 10th season, which means it lasted twice as long as the original incarnation. Given what’s happening to human rights, it’ll need to be revived again around 2030.
- HBO Max wasted no time canceling the JJ Abrams series Duster, as it released its season – now series – finale just last week.
- Meanwhile, HBO Max has officially ordered Stuart Fails to Save The Universe, the sci-fi skewing addition to the universe of The Big Bang Theory.
- Nacelle announced they’re developing a reboot of the Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa cartoon, so get ready for a bunch of 40 years olds to start pretending they ever actually gave a shit about the original. The mere fact that the press release called it “a timeless property that has stuck with fans for over 30 years” gave me a laugh I haven’t experienced in quite some time, so thanks, Nacelle!
- The Daily Show‘s Ronny Chieng is taking over the role of Kahn Souphanousinphone for Hulu’s King of the Hill reboot. The character was previously voiced by Toby Huss, but we don’t do that anymore, plus Huss is assuming the role of Dale Gribble, after the passing of Johnny Hardwick.
- Marvel announced the Age of Revelation event, to commemorate the 30th anniversary of my favorite comic event, The Age of Apocalypse. I am SO old… In the original storyline, the death of Charles Xavier reshaped the universe into a dystopia ruled by X-Men villain Apocalypse. All of the X-titles were canceled and replaced by new series to reflect the new status quo. In this one, mutant Doug Ramsey, the new Heir of Apocalypse, is sorta doing the same thing, complete with new series gimmick.
- Meanwhile, the NYC corner of Delancey and Essex were renamed Yancy Street and Jack Kirby Way for ONE DAY this week. A lot of the new stories are omitting the fact that it was a one-day thing, likely a thinly-veiled promotion for Fantastic Four: First Steps. God forbid they do anything lasting for that man. I’m not even a Kirby fan, but it’s sort of insane how they use his name. They even invited his family! And they came! Next time they sue Marvel, the company is gonna be like “But we invited you to the street ceremony, remember?” Kinda like how you can’t sue Disney if your wife dies at a park, but y’all were Disney+ subscribers.
- Finally, let’s pour one out for former Dr. Doom, and the first bare ass I saw on basic cable, Julian McMahon. He starred on Nip/Tuck, which always got discussed for the “partial nudity”, and it was ALWAYS a man’s ass.
So, back in January, I wrote about the Abbott Elementary episode that featured the characters from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It was a concept that sounded crazy on paper, but they somehow made it work. At the time, I said that the Sunny installment would air as part of the upcoming 17th season of the show. Well, that occurred this week, and it was so much better than I could have imagined.
When the Abbott episode was announced, I was scared that the Sunny characters would be “nerfed”, seeing as how they fully lean into their TV-MA rating over on FXX. They managed to stay true to themselves without being able to curse. What I didn’t expect, however, was how the Abbott cast would also lean into that TV-MA rating. I mean, Quinta Brunson’s Janine calls Sunny‘s Dee a “fucking cunt” in the first few minutes of the episode! In a somewhat Rashomon style tale, we see the events of the Abbott episode from a new perspective. We get to see what Dennis was up to the whole time, given he was almost nonexistent in the Abbott installment. We find out what Dee and Janine actually thought of each other.
My favorite thing, though, is just how great Sunny continues to be. There was a period, a few seasons back, where it felt like the writing was on the wall. Charlie Day was doing movies, Rob McElhenney was starting up Mythic Quest, Kaitlin Olson had The Mick, and Glenn Howerton had A.P. Bio. Sunny started to feel like a side project that they were doing out a sense of obligation, be it spiritual or contractual. In fact, Howerton flirted with leaving the show in season 13, and while he ultimate stayed, he did leave the writers room. I guess the universe had other plans, though, as Fox canceled The Mick, and NBC/Peacock finally canceled A.P. Bio. So, they all sort of regrouped back at Sunny, seemingly creatively recharged. The past couple of seasons since then have been excellent, and this week’s premiere was no exception. For example, while eating lunch, the gang starts talking about how they can’t believe the kids don’t know about 9/11, and how we were told to “Never Forget!”, yet they had forgotten. And they get so revved up about it that the conversation goes on for hours, and devolves into conspiracy theories. So, what started as “America, Fuck Yeah!” turned into “Well, jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” – to the point that Mac and Frank sneak off and do their own “experiment” where they try to melt a steel bench they found in a classroom.
And, so as not to think the crossover was a fluke, the second episode of the season was just as good, as it centered around Frank’s newfound obsession with “Is It Cake?”, while the guys go looking for investors so they can franchise Paddy’s Pub. It culminates in an ending that only Sunny could provide.
I love this show so much, and it’s currently the longest-running live action sitcom (which is something of a cheat, as they’re going by years in existence as opposed to actual episode count). It seems like the cast don’t really have any desire to walk away now, so I hope the quality stays strong. We just have to hope Kailin doesn’t leave to focus on High Potential. Anyway, I can’t tell the future, but I know that, for now, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia had the West Week Ever.
