‘Cause I’m a real tough kid, I can handle my shit
They said, “Babe, you gotta fake it ’til you make it” and I did
Lights, camera, bitch smile, even when you wanna die…
Ya know, I wasn’t gonna even touch the events of this week. No, this was supposed to be a joyous celebration of a post. You see, tomorrow marks 12 years since I started doing this column. Sure, this site has existed in some form or another since 2004, but the “West Week Ever” concept was born on November 9th, 2012. I had gotten to the point where I had compartmentalized everything on here, and I didn’t feel I had anywhere to just talk about the goings on of the day. Sure, I did trade paperback reviews (Adventures West Coast) and covered my thrift finds (Thrift Justice), but nothing “current”. So, I started West Week Ever to fill that gap. And nobody read it because they didn’t know it was a play on VH-1’s Best Week Ever, so they didn’t understand what it was. At the suggestion of one of my college friends – and a much more successful blogger – I added the “Pop Culture In Review”, like, a year and a half later. And I think maybe 2 more people found the site. Anyway, we were going to celebrate that. Then this week happened.
There’s really nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said. To me, there are two major takeaways from this election: 1) Apparently, there are a lot more couch fuckers/couch fucker sympathizers than folks thought and 2) He beat the combined might of Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, and Han Solo. Honestly, it’s that last one that’s really doing a number on me. The way you White people love Taylor and Star Wars! Nothing truly is sacred anymore.
I mean, I wasn’t surprised. This isn’t some big “I toldja so” gotcha statement. It’s just that very few things surprise me anymore. I have had a colossally bad year and a half, which I don’t share on here because there is a handful of people who still use this site as a way to gauge how I’m doing in life, and I like to keep them in the dark as much as possible. I haven’t updated my job on Facebook since 2007, and I’m not on LinkedIn, so good luck, fuckers! But I’ve had everything from dealing with elder care for two separate senior citizens, getting power of attorney for both, multiple cancer scares, and more. I didn’t expect any great outcome from this because I’ve sort of hardened into a place where I don’t expect great outcomes at all anymore. And I realize that’s bad, but it is what it is.
So, I also wasn’t surprised to wake up Wednesday to all of the incredulous social media posts. “How did this happen?!” and “Is this who we are as a country?!” The thing that really stuck in my craw, however, were the people who were like “All we have is each other. We’ve got to continue to fight, and stick together.” Each other? Look, I’ve never really sought out “allies” because there are folks far more marginalized than me, and I’ve done OK, all things considered. But a big part of it is that I don’t really trust the concept. Why should I? Why should anyone? When the chips were down, the allies lost. Or disappeared. And while some of the folks popping up Wednesday morning might have been genuine when they said “We’ll keep fighting!”, to many I felt “With WHAT?!” Seriously, what do you have? What leg do you have to stand on? You failed. You failed others, and you failed yourselves. And that’s what you have to reckon with. Frankly, if you can’t have a difficult conversation with Grandpa at Thanksgiving, well, you might have a “good heart” or whatever, but you can’t do shit for me. Don’t make yourself feel better by thinking you’re letting me know you’ve got my back. ‘Cause that don’t count for much right now. This isn’t 2016, where some folks were like “Well, maybe it won’t be so bad.” No, he ran on a platform of “We’re coming to fuck up your shit!”, and THAT won. People voted FOR that. It wasn’t even close. So, you can keep your Mr. Rogers and James Baldwin quotes.
Also, spare me the “America has seen darker days” rhetoric. A good friend of mine sent me this video of a Black guy talking about his dad. Dad was born in the 40s, grew up during Jim Crow, fought in the Civil Rights Movement, and lived to see Obama elected president. Whoopie. The way it’s phrased, I’ll assume Dad is dead now, which is a good thing because all of this would have killed him. Seriously, the gist of the video is “If my dad (and others) went through that, then we can go through this.” But ya know who I never hear this shit from? PEOPLE WHO WERE ACTUALLY IN THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT! They’re the first to tell you “Yeah, we did it, but we wouldn’t do it again, and we did it in the hope that you’d never have to.” You don’t get to preach to me by proxy. THIS is not THAT. Progress™ isn’t a purely linear process, but we weren’t supposed to go back like this…
I bring up what I’ve been going through to point out that it has been a very lonely period. And it’s not like I blame anyone. No one knew. People can’t read minds. But, in the general scheme of things, it was lonely, and I didn’t have many to turn to. I sort of learned my place, as well as who I could and couldn’t count on. Let’s just say that last number was quite small. It’s fine. Everyone is fighting their own battles. That said, if I didn’t have anyone then, I sure as shit don’t have anyone now. Because, at the end of the day, I don’t trust you. I think that’s been the hardest part of all of this: Having people just sort of smile in your face, in the most superficial way, not realizing they might pose some sort of threat. I used to think I was good at reading people, but I’ve been slipping lately.
I’m reminded of the last time some race stuff was going down, there was a real “upstanding” member of the geek blogging community who read a post I wrote about it, and emailed me to basically say he was so sorry I felt that way. I’m sure he felt he was being heartfelt, trying to be a friend. But he also turned out to support some pretty vile shit. He was part of the REASON I felt that way, and he was too dense to even realize it. He won’t read this because he retreated to Truth Social years ago, and I doubt my links make it over there. That’s Cool…
Anyway, I’m just going on notice that I don’t really have much more to give here. I’m not trying to be defeatist or fatalistic. But it takes all I’ve got to keep it together, so count me out of your resistance. Don’t contact me for your canvassing, don’t ask me for donations, and don’t seek me out as a shoulder to cry on. I’m tapped out, and I’m not here for you. All I have to offer is this site and these posts. In the book Station Eleven, there’s a roving band of performers that try to keep The Arts alive after a pandemic basically ends civilization. Think of me like that. I’ll tell you what the MCU is up to, or what shows got canceled, but don’t ask me for anything else. That’s all I’ve got.
And, before I wrap this up, I know a popular sentiment going around concerns the folks saying “If you voted for him unfollow me!” I understand where this comes from, yet I don’t think that, ultimately, that’s going to get us anywhere. I don’t. Once the anger and pain and fear subside, maybe more will see that. I’m not blocking or unfollowing because I loathe an echo chamber. Also, I want to remain an annoying presence in their lives. If this Old Boss is the New Boss situation turns out as badly for many of us as it could, then I want them to see what they did. Cutting them off is letting them off easy. Also, I wanna keep tabs on them. I want to be there when they realize what this all means. Best case scenario: all of this is for naught, and we survive this after all. I know my audience. I know the demographics of most of the folks reading this. In a lot of walks of life, I’ve been the only Black person in folks’ lives. And I know that rings true for some on here. I’m not trying to be some sort of ambassador, but that’s where we’ve found ourselves. At some point over the last 20 years, something I did or said brought us into each other’s orbit, meaning that, at some point, there was some common link between us. With that in mind, I hope that maybe, someday, we can find that again.
Anyway, nothing had the West Week Ever. I think a lot of folks realize that. The rest of you will come to realize it later.
