I’ve never seen a full Jackass movie, so I didn’t know what to expect from Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa. All I knew was that the commercials looked funny, and I had vowed to pick it up on Redbox the minute I got the chance. Since I didn’t know the “mechanics” of the Jackass franchise, I spent the movie wondering “Do these people know what’s happening? Did they sign a release form?” My questions were answered during the credits (No and Yes), but that didn’t help while I was watching the movie. Little Billy’s mom is going to jail for crack possession, so his grandpa Irving (Johnny Knoxville in makeup) has to drive him across the country to live with his dad (who just sees Billy as a welfare meal ticket). Along their road trip, hilarity ensues as they steal from convenient stores and Irving hits on women. Oh, did I mention that Irving’s wife just died, and her body’s stashed in the trunk? Yeah. Anyway, even as a Jackass movie, the narrative had a lot of heart. I mean, it’s fake and predictable, but it was still fun to watch.
The trailers for Don Jon never really gave a great idea as to what the movie was about, and there’s a reason for that: you can’t show most of that stuff on television. You see, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character, Jon, learned everything he knows about relationships from pornography. He’s got a tight bod, a sweet ride, and a happening pad – all of which help him close the deal with a streak of “8s”. That said, no matter how much minge he gets, it doesn’t compare to the orgasm he gives himself. So, the whole movie is about how he hides that fact about himself while dating bossy Scarlett Johannson. If you’re 12, you’ll love this movie ’cause there’s porn and tits everywhere. It’s an entertaining movie, but that ending kinda comes out of nowhere. The movie gains an emotional beat about 3/4 of the way in, which causes the ending to be somewhat incongruent with the bulk of the movie.
What if the Girls Gone Wild also liked to perform armed robberies? That’s Spring Breakers. To be honest, the movie’s boring until James Franco pops up and then it just goes insane. I still want to know who the primary audience was for this film, as it starts off as jailbait-apalooza. Selena Gomez looks about 15, and she and her friends just bounce around in bikinis most of the time. They used to charge a quarter for this kind of movie in Times Square. I sat there, asking myself, “What the Hell am I watching?” This is the kind of movie that was created to help the former Disney girls (Gomez and Hudgens) shed their squeaky clean image, and it worked. And that ending?! I’m not gonna spoil it here, but there’s NO WAY that movie ends the way that it does. No way in Hell.
Kick-Ass 2 is a far superior movie to Kick-Ass, which is a shame since no one saw it. I actually got this thing at Redbox on Friday and didn’t end up watching it until Wednesday. Hell, I could’ve bought the thing for as much as that’s gonna cost me! Anyway, I just wasn’t in the mood to watch it, even though I had been in the mood when I first got it from the kiosk. Finally, I hunkered down and watched it and was pleasantly surprised. Jim Carrey contributed to the negative press on the film, as he was against its depiction of violence (though he had no problem cashing that check). It’s sad he felt that way, as he was really good in the movie. I had problems with the liberties that the first movie took with the story, but I had no problems with them going off-book this time around. Most of the film is original, only taking a few cues from the Kick-Ass 2 comic. My only problem was the fact that Chloe Moretz aged, so they had to age her character as well. This led to some underlying sexual tension that’s not present in the books (since she’s about 10 there), and that was kinda weird.
After the Redbox selections, I remembered that I have Netflix. What did I watch first? LEGO Marvel Super Heroes Maximum Overload. This little 22 minute show was kinda cute and I guess I watched it to get myself in the mood for The LEGO Movie. Basically, Loki uses his Norn Frost to boost villains’ powers through “overloads”. The bittersweet aspect of the special is that it showed how cool things would be if Marvel Studios had the rights for X-Men and Spider-Man. I’d really love to see that shared cinematic universe, but I don’t see that happening any time soon, so the animated stuff is the best we’re gonna get.
Since it’s not a West Week Ever without a standup update, this week I watched John Mulaney: New In Town. Formerly a writer for Saturday Night Live, if you don’t know Mulaney, you soon will. I’d heard every single bit in the special because Comedy Central Radio loves to play his stuff. Still, I love every second of his material, so I didn’t mind that it was all “old” material.
Once I was done with the Mulaney special, I remembered that I have Amazon Prime, so I hopped over to see what was available over there (that’s also where I saw Spring Breakers. I wasn’t gonna spend money on that thing!). That’s where I found that the first season of Inside Amy Schumer was available to stream. I’ve always liked Schumer’s material, as it’s similar to Sarah Silverman’s, only Schumer’s humor has more of a sexual edge. After all, you can’t get through a Schumer performance without her mentioning that she has HPV, or that her recent sexual partner had no testicles.
I want to be mad at my wife for getting me addicted to Flappy Bird. I wanted no part of it, but when she heard that the creator was going to take it offline, she basically made me download it, “just in case”. I’m not much of a gamer, especially when it comes to things intended to frustrate, but I haven’t gotten too mad at the game. My high score is only 25, so it’s not like I’m a champ at it, but it’s another way to kill time.
Well, since most of my traffic comes from mentioning Power Rangers, I guess I’m required to mention the premiere of Power Rangers Super Megaforce tomorrow. The main draw for this season is that the Rangers can draw powers from, and transform into, any of the Power Rangers teams from the past 20 years. The pilot’s been available on Nick.com since Saturday night, so I’ve already seen it. In my opinion, it’s a good start to the season, but my opinion doesn’t really matter. The main issue is whether or not kids will like it. I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t, however a lot of the teams won’t be familiar to really young kids. My only “gripe” is that’ they’re clearly pirates (based on the Japanese source footage), yet that word is never spoken. It’s like we’re supposed to pretend we don’t know that’s what’s going on.
Has Coke won any kind of industry award for the Coke Freestyle machine? I mean, this thing isn’t new, but it offers over 100 different sodas in one fountain. It’s like the future that science fiction foretold for us! Anyway, I hope someone, somewhere, has given Coke the recognition it deserves for such a modern marvel.
I’m supposed to be going to the American International Toy Fair in New York this weekend, but I don’t know if the weather’s going to cooperate. I don’t even know why I’m going, as I don’t have invites to any of the fancy parties. I just wanna get in and see what I can see. It’s been 7 years since I last went, and that was a dream come true, so hopefully I’ll come back from this trip with some good pictures and stories.
Before we go, I had the pleasure of sitting down with the UnderScoopFire guys to record their latest podcast. We talked about the Super Bowl, TV ratings, and more. As usual, I had a great time, and you can check it out here.
Links I Loved
RoboCop: The Thinking Man’s Action Movie – Snoopy Jenkins
What if 80s Cartoon Characters Wrote Dirty Messages on Candy Hearts? – UnderScooprFire!
In Case You Missed It This Week
I know a lot of my readers don’t follow sportsball, so you may not know the man in the picture. To be honest, most of the country didn’t know who he was a week ago. That all changed, however, when he came out as gay this week. Michael Sam, a defensive end for the University of Missouri will probably be the first openly gay player drafted into the NFL, which is a pretty big deal. Hopefully, we’ll get to a point where something like this isn’t “news”, but we’re not there yet. It took a lot of courage for him to come out, with his potential future at risk by doing so, but all signs seem to imply that the NFL is finally ready to take this step. Some have said that his presence would serve as a “distraction”, but the naysayers are being drowned out by the supporters. This is an important event in professional sports history, so that’s why Michael Sam had the West Week Ever.