LOEB Presents West Week Ever RED – 3/15/13

This has been a week! First, the elephant I shoved into the room late Wednesday night on Twitter: I did undergo a “procedure” yesterday, but everything seems to be OK for now. I can’t say much about it, but I assure you that I’m still fat and my penis is the same size it was when the week began. I can say, however, that I was really touched by the outpouring of tweets I got. It means a lot to me that a group of “strangers” can basically become a digital family. Thanks to @OAFE @T16Skyhopp @MeisterShake @JohnDoctorKent @timdogg98
@avenuesalamode @exveebraun @MattGuzy @monsterfink @RavingToyManiac @LamarRevenger @teamhellions @thebrandi @classickmateria @Brock626 @howardthedeck @chapmanrunner and @ponderiss for their concern 🙂

I also wanna thank @sharepointjoe @smurfwreck and @T16skyhopp for the awesome packages they sent me. I’m building a Kre-O army!

I’m gonna try something different here. I’m not even sure of it’s allowed, but we’ll see. I haven’t been as involved in posting for The League of Extraordinary Bloggers as I should be, and the weeks sometimes speed by. Since I’m contractually obligated to do a West Week Ever each Friday (my sponsors at Will’s World of Wonder can be a bunch of dickholes sometimes), the only way I can do this week’s LOEB post is to fit it in here. So, this week’s topic is a photo challenge called “I see RED”. I thought about doing a huge shot of all my Red Rangers (ya know, to pander to the demo that drives the most traffic to this site), but I really don’t feel like digging all those out. Then, it dawned on me. I could use this:

You may remember this shot from earlier this week on Twitter/Instagram. Check them out if you wanna see my hilarious yet racially insensitive caption. Don’t worry – there’s a story here. Ya see, I went to college with the Arizona Iced Tea heiress. For realsies, she exists! And she had the biggest rack I’d ever seen. So big that I dubbed her “racktacular”. My buddy used to date her, and somehow felt the need to tell her of her new moniker. Instead of getting mad, she jokingly wore it as a badge of honor…until her later reduction. A moment of silence for those magnificent titties. I always think of her when I see any beverage from Arizona.

Anyway, I was thirsty and didn’t feel like soda since it was 8 in the morning. So, my inner Spirit Negro said, “Watuhmelon?! Lah-dee-dah!”, and I tapdanced my way over to the counter. I’d never had it before, so what did I think? It smelled like Fruit Rollups, which is ALWAYS a plus. I’m not sure of the taste, though. I tend to hate synthetic watermelon, but this wasn’t bad. Know what it tastes like? Stay with me here, as I’m about to lose a few of you. It tastes the way a female rapper would describe the taste of her vagina. You know, they’re always comparing it to something good like Pop Tarts or Pepsi, but you know the real deal. Yeah, like that.

Here are some other Leaguer posts on the topic:
21 Red-iculous, Random Things About Me – ShezCrafti
I’m Seeing Red (You Big Dummy) – Flashlights Are Something To Eat
I’m Seeing Red – Cool & Collected
Welp, if that was the first time any new Leaguer has stopped by, thanks for playing our game and I understand if you’d like to leave now. For the rest of you, we’ve still got work to do.

I used to dream about working for Wizard Magazine, but I guess it wasn’t in the cards. Not that I really tried. I made it to Diamond, but had friends who’d applied to Wizard. Basically, you were lucky to make $20K, while living in Congers, NY (where the median income was about $75K). Looking back, this isn’t so odd when you think of it in terms of “start-up culture”: to get an idea off the ground, folks tend to work long hours for little-to-no paycheck. The thing with Wizard, though, is that even once it “made it”, it doesn’t seem like life got better for the employee. That’s all from an HR/contractual side, though. In practice, it seems like the bunker mentality forged a lot of great friendships, and seeded the comic industry with the PR power players that it has today. Anyway, with all this in mind, I really enjoyed this Where Are They Now? article about a few Wizard staffers.

This may come as a surprise to some, but I’ve spent next to no time on TV Tropes. It’s a timesink, and it just seems too…easy. I mean, why read these things when you could just watch them and identify them yourself? Still, they put names on phenomena that otherwise didn’t have titles; I’ll give them that. So, I think I’ve boiled down the essence of the typical 80s/90s sitcomto 13 episodes. Think of it like the British TV model – even if it gets canceled after one season, it has accomplished its mission. Anyway, here’s how it would be mapped out:

01. Pilot Episode Where Illogical Conceit For Series Is Introduced

02. Episode Packed With Character Development

03. Episode Featuring Pillow Fight OR Argument Steeped In Sexual Tension

04. Episode With Appearance By Then-Contemporary Pop Star

05. Very Special Kidnapping Episode

06. The UFO Episode

07. Lie Told When Parent Comes To Town Episode

08. Episode Where Someone Ends Up On A Ledge

09. Episode Where Someone Gets Amnesia

10. Locked In Freezer Clip Show

11. Backdoor Pilot for Spinoff That Will Only Last A Fraction As Long As This Show’s Run

12. Episode Where Fan Favorite Supporting Character Leaves Show

13. Finale Where Final Scene Cleverly References Opening Scene In Pilot

I should do a Kickstarter, where I’d probably burn it off all at once on Netflix, cast Lena Dunham in it, and sit back to collect my accolades.

Links I Loved
Children Around the World Show Their Most Prized Possessions – The Robot’s Pajamas

Retcon – Hooray For the Bad Guy

“The Living Unicorn”.. when Ringling Bros. lied to me. – The Cold Slither Podcast

Have you cast your votes for Slither Madness yet?

This Week’s Posts
“I Wanna Xup, Baby” AKA Anyone Else Remember Xuxa?

This Week’s eBay Auctions

One put on his suit & tie to dust off SNL, while the other was ushered in with white smoke. One danced all over the Pandora’s Box of crowdsourcing, while another felt his heart go “pop!” Only one, however, could have the West Week Ever.

Earlier this week, I was cleaning off the DVR and noticed I’d recorded Music and Lyrics. In my mind, I think I’d assumed it was American Dreamz (a lesser Hugh Grant vehicle spoofing reality shows), so I was never in a rush to watch it. Boy, was I wrong! To boil it down, Hugh Grant basically plays The Other Guy from Wham! who gets a second chance at his career when Not-Ke$ha asks him to write a song for her new album. He can’t nail down the lyrics until his neurotic plant waterer turns out to have a gift for words. Collaboration and romance ensue, yadda yadda yadda. I liked the movie because it kinda swatted away some of the romantic comedy tropes. I was left with a lot of questions that probably would’ve been poorly answered in a Nora Ephron film. I’ve always loved Hugh Grant, even if he does always play the same character. As the cool kids say, he “could get the D”. Well, on second thought, let’s strike that from the record. My rep is bad enough as it is. Anyway, his West Week Ever status was solidified the moment the movie started with this video:

I’m a big fan of parody done with heart. This video is PERFECT. From the actual song, to Hugh’s directional nod at the lyric “Let’s go”. The last time I’d seen something this reverential of 80s pop was the first Robin Sparkles video, and then it was all downhill after they repeated it without instilling any heart to the endeavor. Sure, the other people in the running may have had more real time success this week, but most of that involved stuff that made me mad. This video clip, however, brought me nothing but sheer joy all week. And since it’s my site, and I discovered it only this week, that’s why Hugh Grant had the West Week Ever.