“Baby, I’m Dr. Montalban!”
You know what song I really hate right now? Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a lame song, but I hate it even more because of the video.
You see, it’s supposedly this whole “It’s not you, it’s me” song. The whole vibe is “I’m growing up, I want more from life, and I think it’s time to go after it.” OK, that’s all well and good. But what I’m not digging is the whole, “It’s not you, it’s just something I have to do for me” message. Why? Well, in the video, her boyfriend is a fucking drug dealer. I would hope her leaving does have something to do with him. A LOT to do with him. He’s a fucking dealer! You can’t just up and leave, and act like you made some bold, personal decision when your man is slangin’ that rock in your driveway. I feel the video undermines the whole message of the song because it’s no longer a song about independence, but one of blind stupidity. She should’ve left long ago, with her hobo-looking ass. And she’s not making a bold stand by leaving him because he’s dealing; she’s leaving ’cause she wants to, but he just happens to deal. The two things shouldn’t be considered related. It’s like the song and the video are on 2 different wavelengths.
It also bothers me that it’s a hackneyed reinterpretation of Hinder’s Better Than Me video. It’s like the whole No Scrubs/ No Pigeons response videos from back in the day. In Hinder’s video, the chick stays and watches her man die, while Fergie leaves her man before it gets to that point. But she ain’t even leaving because of the drugs. She’s just leaving. Because she has to. Ummm….OK.
I think what gets me the most about the video is that her boyfriend is played by none other than Milo Ventimiglia. I swear, Milo is the “Andrew Keegan” of the 21st century. Wait a minute…why are you giving me that look? Am I going to have to explain who these people are?
Andrew Keegan was the everyman hot guy of 90’s television. If there was ever a role for a hot, pseudo asshole, it was played by Keegan unless David Lascher decided to take one more go at teenagerdom (he and Melissa Joan Hart played teenagers for about 15 yrs…). Keegan was on everything from Baywatch to Step by Step to his most stable role, Wilson, the teenage father, on 7th Heaven. He was also king of the failed pilot. He went after a lot of shows, but few of them were either picked up or successful. His biggest movie role was 10 Things I Hate About You. Keeg’s is getting older, and he’s not going to have his looks to fall back on one of these days. Or, maybe he will. He’s pretty much going to grow up to be Andrew Shue, so maybe he’s good at soccer or something.
Anyway, Milo is on the very same career path. His star is just starting to rise after dwelling in Hollywood limbo for the past few years. His most stable role was that of Jess on Gilmore Girls. After that, he was cast in Heroes, which is supposedly the best thing since sliced bread. Plus, he got to play Rocky’s son in Rocky Balboa. But he first had to walk a long, hard road filled with cancellation. From Opposite Sex to Boston Public to American Dreams to Bedford Diaries, it was like Milo had the Ted McKinley “Show-Killer Curse”. He has killed so many good shows at this point that I can’t stand to look at him. To me, seeing Milo is like watching your doctor put on that latex glove: you’re about to get your ass violated, but it’ll be over quick so don’t sweat it too much. Wow, that was more hardcore than it needed to be! I’m gonna have to reel it in more next time…
Shuttup. Milo is the fuckin’ man. He’s so wonderfully broody. You’re just hatin’.
Shuttup. Milo is the fuckin’ man. He’s so wonderfully broody.
Stop drinking the haterade.