“I dunno…maybe it’s a bowling alley!”
So, I wrote about this some time ago, but I think it’s time to revisit the topic: The Chipmunks.
Now, with this holiday season, The Chipmunk Song is a classic. But I find that, the older I get, the more disturbed I find the whole “Chipmunk Phenomenon”.
In the Chipmunk Universe, how could the world’s little girl population be so enthralled by singing 4-ft. chipmunks?!!! It’s sick! It’s like asking, “What if Justin Timberlake & the rest of ‘NSYNC were chipmunks?” Just think about it. Do you know what some chicks WANT TO DO TO THOSE GUYS?!!! It boggles the mind.
Plus, why was Dave always yelling at Alvin? That’s verbal abuse. It’s not like he HAD to take care of ’em. He didn’t get some Chipmunk whore knocked up or anything. He took it upon himself, but it’s like he always regretted it afterwards by the way he’d yell at Alvin. Frankly, i think he was just jealous that Alvin probably got more ‘tang than he did.
With all the yelling, you ever think Alvin just wanted to kill Dave in his sleep? He’d TOTALLY get away with it. Who’d blame a chipmunk? Then again, the prosecutor’s daughter would probably have a mad-on for the chipmunks, and he’d let Alvin fry just for that…Now, would they send a chipmunk to juvie, or would they just put him to sleep right then and there? Imagine the fall from grace! And you think the Michael Jackson trial is scandalous…
Plus, what was the deal with the Chipettes? I always kind of thought they were figments of that old broad’s imagination. She WAS kind of…”off”. Plus, let’s think about this: One trio of singing chipmunks? OK, I’ll let it slide. A whole lot of crazy shit can happen when you dump chemicals in the wrong parts of the forest. But TWO trios of singing chipmunks?!!! I smell a cloning cover-up!
Oh man….I really need to start getting more sleep.
Have a great day, everyone! If you see a chipmunk, don’t let it sing to you; that’s how they lure ya into their trap!