Merry Belated Christmas! I can’t say I ever really got into The Christmas Spirit this year, but Lord knows I tried! Some things helped (like the Advent Calendar House Podcast), but every time I looked out the window, it felt like late October or something. And ya know what really grinds my gears? When did we get so analytical about everything? I loathe the “Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?” debate. Where did that even come from? It feels like one of those things The Smartest Person in the Room would posit at a Christmas party just to get attention. Back in the day, folks would just say “Shut up, Jeff! We’re trying to get sauced on nog!” Somewhere in recent years, however, folks started actually entertaining his foolishness.
I’m a simple man. If a movie is set at Christmas, it’s a Christmas Movie™. Case closed, no exceptions. Hell, if Roots had taken place predominantly at Christmas, I would declare Roots to be a Christmas miniseries. It’s really not that deep. What are y’all trying to prove? Next, we’ll be arguing if Star Trek is really Science Fiction. “Well, its setting is space, however when you get to The Next Generation, it’s more a show about diplomacy and exploration – concepts that would be just as at home here on Earth.” I’m rolling my eyes at you. And, while we’re at it, stop wondering how fictional characters can afford their homes! You’re ruining the magic around here!
Speaking of homes, I’ve been watching a lot of Seinfeld while on winter break, and I noticed that Jerry’s apartment in the pilot is much nicer than in the rest of the series. I feel like they “enshittened” it, as it probably wasn’t believable that a stand-up comedian could afford such a place at the time (They weren’t landing Netflix deals back then!). It’s a subtle change, but there’s something of an extended sunroom balcony as opposed to the standard NYC fire escape from he rest of the series. But I wouldn’t even be thinking about this if everyone didn’t start conversations on shows with “So, how did they afford this place?” Maybe ask a better question, like, “Do you think their doorman is black?” Because, in a lot of these situations, that’s the only way these characters are coming in contact with any sort of diversity.
A few weeks ago, I noticed that BritBox was doing a free promo with Xfinity for 7 days. I didn’t realize this until around Thursday, so I didn’t have much time to really take advantage of it. That said, I found myself interested in a series called Granite Harbour, which is what I ended up watching during that promotion. Now, we were a PBS family, so I grew up on everything from Are You Being Served? to the latest Masterpiece Theatre offering starring Robson Green (that dude was considered a sex symbol, and I just never understood why!). What we never really get over here, however, are the minority-focused shows. To Americans, The UK is just a bunch of uptight white people with good manners, but that view neglects to consider the African diaspora that’s also present. Sure, we got Lenny Henry’s Chef, but outside of Eastenders, it seems like PBS doesn’t want to touch anything with “color” and/or that neglects to further the belief that The UK is but one sterile prim and proper thing. A lot of folks tend to think of racism as an American Problem, but it’s not. It’s just handled differently in other places. So, I tend to gravitate to things that shine a light on these different experiences.
Granite Harbour is a police procedural starring Romario Simpson as former Royal Military Police sergeant Davis Lindo, who finds himself in the Scottish city of Aberdeen as part of a trainee program. Lindo had seen combat, and was now determined to become a detective in order to prove himself to his father, who happened to be Jamaica’s top cop. As a candidate for what was roughly a DEI program, Lindo arrives in Aberdeen and is immediately paired up with Detective Lara “Bart” Bartlett. Their first case is a murder mystery involving one of the city’s wealthiest business owners, who was in the midst of converting his factories to go green. In a twist on what we usually see, the employees were against the change, as it was going to eliminate jobs. Typically, we’re told that Going Green might have some negative short-term effects, but the result was ultimately worth all that. Not here. Those Scots were BIG MAD. And the company owner turned up dead. So, Lindo and Bart are on the case, as Lindo does everything wrong, yet somehow ends up doing everything right. He’s equal parts “By the book” and “Damn the book”, which gets confusing at times. I mean, it gets the job done, but it almost seems like it’s more luck than skill. Along the way, it’s hinted that there’s tension between Lindo and his dad, but we’re never really told why.
And I love the partnership between Lindo and Bart, even if it’s not earned. I mean, he’d been in Aberdeen roughly a week, so it’s not like they’d learned to trust each other yet. They get there, but it’s somewhat rushed. I also like that there’s not even a hint of the writers trying to push a romantic angle, so it’s almost like the best of Mulder and Scully before Chris Carter messed that all up. Bart has this thing where she’s always wearing a neck scarf. She’s never seen without it, to the point that I halfway expected a post-credits reveal where she removed it to reveal bite marks. No, it wasn’t a supernatural show, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be.
Anyway, UK shows are weird because this season was comprised of three 60-minute episodes. So, it’s less of a series and more of a long movie. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s paced as such, so you don’t get the character development that you’ve come to expect from American shows. There’s very little fat, but that doesn’t keep it from becoming a VERY muddled story. I sometimes have trouble with mystery/heist projects, as my brain doesn’t always work as fast as the script. So, when those 3 hours were done, I can’t say that the central mystery – and its solution – made much sense, but I still enjoyed seeing the characters go about their respective roles. Still, despite the DEI motivator that got Lindo his job, I really didn’t get the culture clash examination that I was looking for. There was a second season that was released earlier this year, but wasn’t available to watch here yet. If I can get my hands on it, I’ll check it out, as I like the chemistry between the characters. That said, I can’t really say I recommend this, either.
Trailer Park
Novocaine (Theaters, March 14)
I’m not really feeling this whole “Jack Quaid as a movie star thing”. I mean, outside of being a Nepo Baby, he’s just Some Dude. That said, it’s nice to see someone vying for the Judge Reinhold career path, as not everyone can be Kevin Hart. In Caddyshack, Ted Knight says “Well, the world needs ditchdiggers, too”, and that’s also true of Hollywood. I’ll watch this, but I’m not buying the whole “He’s doing this to save the woman he loves” angle. Maybe I’m too cynical, but I also feel like the movie is sort of gonna upend that whole thing in the end. I mean, it looks like they had a good one night stand, but I don’t know if it’s True Love™. It’d be worth it if the movie ends with him saving her, saying “Now, we can be together”, only for her to say something like “Oh. I have a boyfriend. We were on a break, but once he saw on the news that I’d gotten kidnapped… Anyway, we’re gonna try to make it work.” I’d respect the Hell out of the film if it made that choice.
Zero Day (Netflix, February 20)
I’ve mentioned this recently, but why do all streaming originals look so bland? These are big budget projects, packed with Star Power, but they just seem to elicit a “Meh” from the audience. I’ll say that I’m not sure I knew this was a limited series, as I was looking forward to it being a film. Also, I remember a time when former presidents were sort of kept around to lend advice and provide counsel to sitting presidents, but I think those days are long gone. Trump didn’t want anyone’s input on how to do anything, nor did most folks want to be seen with him. So, given that, I’m having to sort of suspend my present-day disbelief that De Niro’s former president would be tasked with overseeing this domestic search and seizure program. I want this to be good, but I’m not getting that here. I’m sure it sounded great on paper, but it looks less Clear and Present Danger, and more Designated Survivor.
Going Viral (Coming Soon?)
I don’t know where this movie came from, nor how I found out about it. I will say it’s very clear an 80s movie, in a modern setting, and I find that fascinating. The presence of Corey Feldman sort of wipes away any credibility, but I’m still picking up what they’re putting down. This looks like those “one notch above student films” like Kevin Smith makes these days (Seriously, watch the trailer for The 4:30 Movie, and you’ll see what I mean). I bet this thing quietly drops on The Roku Channel or something, but I’m gonna have to seek it out.
Karate Kid: Legends (Theaters, May 30)
“Directed by Jonathan Entwistle”, huh? So that’s what he was doing instead of working on that long-gestating Power Rangers reboot for Netflix. Well, thanks for nothing, Jonathan! Anyway, remember how I recently talked about how my generation just can’t let shit go? Well, thanks to the success of Cobra Kai, the Karate Kid franchise has joined Ghostbusters in the 80s Kid Sacred Cow Club. And I find that problematic, for a few reasons. The existence of Cobra Kai, at this point, just feels like baggage. This is a film concept that would have seemed amazing a decade ago, had they gone right to this following the Jackie Chan/Jaden Smith film. It would have done exactly what they wanted: merged the two houses, while lending some legitimacy to the questionable decision to make the Chan iteration in the first place. See, at that time, Daniel was still The Hero, and we didn’t have to deal with all of the ups and downs that the character has experienced in Cobra Kai. While fans will most likely say those developments enriched the character, it’s almost like a Daniel LaRusso from another timeline. This movie, right here, seems to work best if it retcons everything y’all have been watching for the past six years on YouTube Red/Netflix. Instead of being a linear franchise, maybe Karate Kid needs to take a page from the Terminator handbook, where the sequels almost play out as something of a Choose Your Own Adventure. Anyway, I’m not a huge fan of the franchise, so this is one of those “Not my circus, not my monkeys” situations…
Things You Might Have Missed This Week
- Jared Leto has been cast as Skeletor in the Masters of the Universe film that will never see the light of day. This cast list is quickly turning into a bad A.I. prompt more than something that will actually get made.
- It was announced that WWE SmackDown will expand to 3 hours on USA Network in 2025. That’s too much damn wrestling! I couldn’t handle when Raw went to 3 hours, as they struggled to fill that time, and it was the “important” show!
- The streamer cuts continue, as Paramount+ has removed classic Nicktoon Doug, as well as Big Time Rush, Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness, The Penguins of Madagascar, and ALVINNN and The Chipmunks.
- Trump has appointed The Apprentice/Survivor producer Mark Burnett as Special Envoy to the United Kingdom. If we’re not careful, he’s gonna create a reality competition where England has the chance to reclaim America. It’ll be called Patriot Games or something. Mark my words!
- A former CHiP and current scavenger acquired some unreleased Michael Jackson songs recorded during the Dangerous sessions. Found in an abandoned storage unit, he can’t release them, as the Jackson estate has declined to buy them, yet has exercised its ownership of the copyrights. Womp womp.
- Actor/Director Justin Baldoni is NOT having the West Week Ever, as he’s being sued for harassment by former It Ends With Us costar Blake Lively. This whole thing makes me miss Old Hollywood, because you know if this had happened to Loni Anderson, Burt Reynolds would’ve rolled up to Spago and punched the dude right in the face. That’s how they got shit done back then!
Ya know, you’ve just witnessed a milestone, as you’re reading West Week Ever #52 for 2024. That’s right – for the first time EVER, I posted for 52 consecutive weeks. Now, some of you are probably asking “How is this the first time? Haven’t you been doing this for years?” Yeah, I have, but I also had self-imposed rules that sort of got in the way. For example, I used to skip weeks that were part of a 3-day weekend, as I consider this a workday distraction, but not something you’re going to seek out when you’ve got better things to do. So, no work, no West Week Ever. That said, I didn’t necessarily have the data to prove that theory, so I just kinda went into this year ignoring it.
I love a good streak, so this year was more for me, just to see if I could do it. I sort of assumed that it would fall off sometime during the summer, but when that didn’t happen, I really locked in to see it through. If you know me, then you know that 2024 was NOT what one would call a “good year”, so that’s why it’s even more impressive that I pulled this off.
I’m not really sure what 2025 is going to bring to this space, as I’ve got some ideas, but Life Happens, and I might change my mind. I’ve got West YEAR Ever coming up pretty soon, so look for more thoughts on all of that then. For now, though, I’m going to have to do something a little strange, as I think that, following this 52-week streak, West Week Ever had the West Week Ever. That’s right – it’s a West Week Everception!
