Can’t kick off a post without showing you my social media leaderboard stats lol. While I talk a lot about Bluesky, sometimes Threads will surprise me. I still can’t explain how things work over there, but sometimes I’ll toss a grenade into the room, shut the door, and come back later to survey the damage.
This came to me last Saturday, as I was reorganizing my movies, and I thought “Well, of course everyone should hear this thought!” Ya know, as social media is properly done. Well, I didn’t really expect anyone to see it or care. It got some response in the other places, but Threads really had some feelings. The Likes poured in immediately, but then, over time, the smartest folks in the room started to show up. Got a lot of “They discovered it was HPV, so get vaccinated!” replies. Buncha killjoys! I know these aren’t “numbers”, compared to what influencers and true web celebs get, but it’s sure out of the ordinary for me.
A few days later, I threw this one up there, and you’ll notice it was even more popular than the Douglas post (I’ll bet there were more prudes in this batch). It also got a lot of replies, some of whom pointed out the existence of “Reverse Whamaggedon”, which I’d never even heard of before! Apparently, it’s basically what I was suggesting, but with a much lamer name. See, you can still learn new things from the internet! So, social media ain’t dead. It’s evolving.
Trailer Park
The Gorge (Apple TV+, February 14)
Streaming is a weird beast. I know they all went out, throwing around a ton of money to buy projects that would raise their profile. What I’ve seen, however, is they’ve ended up with some movies that probably would have done “OK” theatrically, but aren’t amazing enough to get new folks to subscribe just to view them. Apple routinely puts out projects with STARS. We’re talking award-winning, people used to flock to theaters to watch them STARS. And these have pretty much all been met with a collective “Meh” from the audience. I have a complicated relationship with Miles Teller. I think he’s got one of the most punchable faces in Hollywood. He did a bunch of antivax shit during the pandemic that put the rest of the cast and crew at risk on projects he was on. And he’s got no range. He plays one type of character really well: misunderstood smartass from the suburbs with an unexplained anger bubbling under the surface. That said, I’ll still watch anything he’s in, because he’s plays That Guy really well. So, this looks good to me. This looks like it would have had “theatrical legs”. I guess Apple thought so, too, which is why they bought it. But what’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander. This would have done fine in theaters, but it’s not gonna change the game for Apple. It’s just gonna go on top of the pile of throwaway streaming films that fail to make a real impact. That guy you tolerate at work will come up and ask you “Hey, did you see that new Miles Teller movie on Apple? I think it’s called The Cliffs? Cliff Shooter? It’s got that hot girl, with the weird eyes?” That will be its enduring legacy.
28 Years Later (Theaters, June 20)
Aren’t y’all tired of these movies yet? Isn’t the real world bad enough?! This was never my franchise, as I hate mass casualty settings. Anything with an outbreak of some sort? Not for me! I just feel like The Walking Dead franchise should have scratched every zombie itch you might have had. I’m talking about when it was GOOD. Once it peaked, you, too, should have been good and tired of these things. I worked in comics during the Marvel Zombies era, so I fucking HATE zombies. I’ve gotten to the point where it takes restraint not to spit in the direction of Arthur Suydam when I see his booth set up at a convention. Those Zombie Variant covers were EVERYWHERE, and quickly lost whatever it was that made them “special”. And that’s how I feel about any property that comes along with zombies. There’s nothing NEW being done with zombies. The true untapped frontier would be “They got zombies in my *enter genre* movie” projects. While this sort of looks like “They got zombies in my Purge!”, it’s not enough. Give me a zombie western. Zombies in Space! But I don’t need to see London/New York/Tokyo (It’s always some major world capital, to impress upon you that “society is on the brink”. Meanwhile, the folks in Nebraska are straight chillin’. In the beginning, at least…) being decimated by a horde of zombies. Like I said, Not For Me.
The Simpsons: Oh C’mon All Ye Faithful (Disney+, December 17)
I’ve somewhat “rediscovered” The Simpsons recently, so this is actually coming at a great time. That said, I don’t love the idea of currently-airing network shows putting out “specials” on streamers. Family Guy has been doing it, but that was mainly out of necessity, due to the fact that its midseason debut would fall after many of the holidays had already passed. If they wanted their Christmas episode out for Christmas, Hulu was the way to do it. And, when I wrote about those, my biggest issue was that there was nothing special about them. Just standard length episodes that didn’t take a ton of risks. So, I’m happy to see that this is, at least, a double-length episode. Plus, given that the series’ origins were in a Christmas special, this sort of feels right to me. Let’s just hope it’s good!
Will Around The Web
- I had the pleasure of rejoining Mike Westfall over at the Advent Calendar House podcast, where we discussed an insane Christmas-themed episode of The Love Boat.
- Then, Adam and I came back with a new episode of Remember That Show?, where we discussed the somewhat forgotten 80s syndicated gem, Out of This World.
Things You Might Have Missed This Week
- Remember to go easy on your elders tonight – the Blue Bloods series finale airs on CBS, so they’re sure to be in a sour mood. Well, more sour than usual…
- Wrestling promotion AEW signed a new deal with Warner Bros Discovery, keeping AEW Dynamite and AEW Collision on TBS and TNT respectively. Beginning in January, the shows will also be simulcast live on Max, along with several pay-per-view specials.
- Speaking of streaming, The Oscars will stream live on Hulu in 2025, for the first time ever. If this doesn’t reek of “Please don’t forget about me!”, then I don’t know what does…
- A federal judge blocked The Onion‘s purchase of Alex Jones’s Infowars, simply because we can’t have nice things.
- Seeing as how Yellowstone is a franchise with multiple spinoffs in the works at any given time, I’m not sure why they chose this week – the week before the series finale – to confirm that current series stars Kelly Reilly and Cole Hauser would be getting their own show. Way to take the wind out of the sails of what’s now to surely be a low-stakes series finale for the main show!
- We live in a time when there are either no new ideas or good ideas. There’s no in-between, and this one is the former: DC Studios is developing a movie for Batman villain Clayface. Ya know, the guy who looks like a giant walking pile of shit? James Gunn needs to be stopped…
- And on the No New Ideas beat, Hulu has ordered a pilot for yet another revival of the Fox series Prison Break (it was already revived as a limited series in 2016, following its original 4-season run that ran from 2005 to 2008). Though set in the same universe as the original, don’t look for the return of star Wentworth Miller who, following coming out as gay, announced his retirement from playing straight characters. Yup, he did that.
- Selena Gomez got engaged to music producer Benny Blanco, so be sure to watch this space over the next couple of years, as I’ll surely be typing “Selena Gomez splits with Benny Blanco” at some point. On a side note, did y’all know she has an estimated net worth around $1 billion? From WHAT?! That ain’t Waverly Place money!
- Peacock has a 4-part docuseries on the way about Saturday Night Live‘s 50th anniversary. According to the press release, there’s an entire episode about the Christopher Walken “More Cowbell” sketch. Surely it’s a classic, but did it deserve to be the focus of a full 25% of the project?!
- McDonald’s Australia revealed a Squid Game collab meal, where customers can win $100,000 for successfully completing the show’s Dalgona Challenge – that thing where you’ve gotta carve a shape out of a cookie with a pin or whatever. If you lose, however, a kangaroo will shoot you dead. Just shoot you right in the face. Crikey!
There were a lot of big things to talk about this week. Turns out Jamie Foxx’s “mystery illness” was just a stroke. Selling app Mercari backpedaled on the change they made earlier this year, and announced the upcoming return of selling fees. The Marvel Rivals video game was all the rage – probably because of someone’s ingenious, yet somewhat worrying, decision to make Squirrel Girl THICC. It was announced that Matt Gaetz is getting his own show on the cable news network that’s too far out there for even your craziest, most racist uncle. But we all know who we’re here to discuss today – that’s right, Time Magazine‘s true Person of the Year, Luigi Mangione.
First off, I stand by what I wrote last week. My feelings haven’t changed, and I’m just more surprised by just how many of you feel the way you do. Whatever. I’m not out here to change hearts and minds, and I’m not losing any sleep over this. Y’all made it more than clear that you stan Luigi Mangione for his epic vigilantism for the sake of The People. Men wanted to be him, women wanted to be with him. Small businesses were posting humorous false “alibis”, saying he was at their establishments during the time of the shooting. Hell, y’all even came for the McDonald’s worker who tried to turn him in for the reward money! I mean, what if that worker needed the money to pay off a UnitedHealthcare bill? Didn’t think of that, didja?
Anyway, there is no touching this guy, and he can seemingly do no wrong. What actually seems like a socially awkward kid from Towson, Maryland has somehow become this avatar of justice. This Street Angel for The People. People have gone all over his social media accounts – and even his high school valedictorian speech – looking for clues to his origin story. Meanwhile, the news media has been meddling, trying to form a narrative that has no real supporting evidence. Did you hear how he had a history of playing a violent video game focused on assassins? A real horrible game, called Among Us. Yeah, the same thing my kids play. I can’t wait to see who plays me in the upcoming docuseries about them (*crosses fingers* Come on, Alfonso Ribeiro!). The whole thing is a MESS, but we love a mess when it doesn’t involve us. So, I’m just gonna sit back, and wait for the credits to roll on this one. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson will show up! It pretty much goes without saying that McDonald’s enthusiast Luigi Mangione had the West Week Ever.
