So, this originally started as a thread over on Bluesky yesterday. In fact, at the time, I recognized that it probably should have been a blog post instead. So, given this fast-paced, topsy-turvy social media landscape, I figured some form of that thought dump needed to live here, in perpetuity.
Given the recent influx of users over on that site, I’ve been forced to think about parasocial relationships. I think a lot of my relationships online are real. But sometimes – especially with bigger accounts – I learn the hard truth. And that’s a strange thing.
Like, it doesn’t matter how many episodes of your podcast I’ve listened to, or how long I’ve read your site, I’m nothing to you. At best, a “fan”. At worst, an “annoyance”. Maybe I get a “Thanks for listening”, but I’m not the one they engage in conversation.
Old generations didn’t have this. Sure, maybe they read all of an author’s books and felt a kinship, but social media is like you’re watching that author write their new book, taking questions and chatting, yet ignoring you. I understand that nobody owes me anything, but it’s still an awkward dynamic.
And it’s even stranger when you “knew them when”, yet things have changed, and now you’re just another keyboard in the crowd. This isn’t “sour grapes” or anything. Figured maybe some folks might relate. And that’s what got me into this mess in the first place lol.
I’m kind of offended to be considered a “fan”. That’s a matter of scale. There was a toy reviewer who used to call us all “fans”, and I’m like “Yeah, you’ve got a podcast, but you’re not even in the Top 500 of toy podcasters…” I’m a listener. I like what they do. I like THEM. But I’m not a “fan”. It’s almost like dating someone, thinking you’re in a relationship, and they introduce you to everyone as their “friend”. I thought we were more than that, but that’s probably on ME. I misread things. Gotta work on that.
Anyway, what’s all this for? Where do I go from here? Well, I’ve always tried to operate under the Golden Rule online: “Do Unto Others…” and all that. And that’s also true for interaction. If you’re messaging me, I need to reply. I want to reply. I don’t ever want to leave anyone “hanging”, and I honestly have every intention of replying to everything. I just don’t always circle back in a timely manner. If it’s a snarky, comedic thing, that’s no problem. But sometimes I get messages that require actual, careful thought. And I do think about them, as my mind is constantly running, but I sometimes just don’t reconnect. Life gets in the way, and I’m a terrible “closer”.
I’m always going on about how social media should be about “Community”, but that can’t happen without engagement. I don’t understand the folks on there who don’t talk to anyone. I mean, some are clearly workshopping their “tight 5” for their next Open Mic Night, but there are others who simply don’t acknowledge you. Even when they follow you. There’s one person who comes to mind who has followed me on multiple sites, for roughly a decade. But I’d have better luck getting a human on a customer service line than to get him to acknowledge anything I reply to one of his posts. Why are you HERE? What are we even doing?
Even after all these years, I’m still trying to learn that folks use social media for different things. For some, it’s not real. They’re just shitposters and/or there to blow off some steam. Some folks are playing something of a character. I used to take pride in the fact that Online Will was what you got IRL. What you saw was what you got. However, the one thing I can’t stand is being ignored, so there have been times where I’ve leaned into a more exaggerated Will, which might alienate some folks. That guy isn’t doing or saying anything I wouldn’t say, but I would know there’s a time and a place. He’s just abrasive. And that’s not healthy, but I can acknowledge it and try to work on it. Either way, I’ve got to get better at gauging folks’ intentions, but also probably need to establish boundaries of my own. I’ve always sort of thought I was an “open book”. I mean, I don’t even use screennames (Seriously, anyone who wants to find you is gonna find you, regardless of whatever anime avatar and inside joke username you choose to adopt)! But everyone isn’t like me, nor is that an experience that everyone wants. Lots to think about!
Anyway, I should also take this time to point out that this post isn’t about any one, specific person. There’s quite the amalgam being discussed here. ‘Cause Lord knows the last thing I need is Web Beef…
So…yeah. Goodnight? I told ya I was a terrible closer. Might wanna hurry to your cars. That parking lot can get crazy. OK, so…yeah. That’s it. *turns off light*
*in Tracey Ullman voice* “Go Home!”
