Reboot That Bitch: Three’s Company

When I wrote my first Reboot That Bitch post on The Fall Guy, I never really expected it to become an ongoing thing. Sure, I’ve had ideas here and there, but nothing that really stuck. Over time, however, it has become one of my most popular posts. Then, the other day, it hit me – why not try to recast one of my favorite shows of all time, Three’s Company? The Fall Guy post was a labor of love, as that show meant a lot to me as a kid, and this is no different, as Three’s Company holds a special place in my heart.

If by some chance you’ve never seen it, Three’s Company was an 8-season farcical sitcom based on the British show, Man About The House. Starring John Ritter, Suzanne Somers, and Joyce Dewitt, it followed the crazy misunderstandings that arose from the living arrangement of the 3 roommates. Since it was taboo for a man to be living with 2 women, the group came up with the explanation that Jack was gay so that the landlord would be OK with him living there. Of course Jack wasn’t gay, so half of the misadventures have to do with hiding that fact from the landlord. Sometimes their neighbor, “Crazy Larry” Dallas, got in on the action, too. I used to watch this show multiple times a day, eagerly waiting for them to get to the seasons with Terry (she was my favorite roommate). I even loved the spinoffs, The Ropers and Three’s A Crowd. While the franchise gets written off today, it was kind of a flagbearer for sexual politics. Three’s Company dealt with two taboos, as there was a man living with women to whom he was not married AND he was (supposedly) gay! Three’s A Crowd carried that further dealing with an unmarried cohabitating couple. I’m not sure if these opened any doors for anyone, but they were definitely dealing with topics that hadn’t been seen on television at the time.

Plot

We’d keep it the same, but we’d throw out the gay aspect. It isn’t so taboo anymore, so there’s no real place for it. The sad part about doing that is that it loses its sexual politics edge, but it may not need it anymore. Like most shows these days, it’d be a show about nothing. If you really dig down, though, the controversy is that you have a guy knocking on the door of 40, who really needs to get his life together. He finds the motivation in the unlikeliest place, which is with these two girls. They help him have fun, while he shares some of his wisdom with them. Oh, and he’s constantly hitting on them, even though he knows their situation needs to remain platonic.

Setting

I see no reason to move the setting from Santa Monica, CA. I like the proximity to the beach, which lends itself to attractive extras and guest stars. Also, in this version, Jack likes to surf, so he’ll need to be near the waves. I’d like the beach to be featured more than we got in the original show, otherwise it’s almost like the locale is being wasted.

The Regal Beagle is just “The Beagle” now, and it’s a sports bar. A lot of the action will be split between here and the apartment, just like the original series.

As for format, I think I’d like to try this as a multicamera sitcom, just like the original. I know it’s a dying format, but I’m a sucker for nostalgia, and some of the jokes may require canned laughter. After all, we’re not dealing with Shakespeare here, and I’m a strong believer that sometimes the audience needs to be told when to laugh. This means it’ll probably end up on CBS, as they’re the only ones keeping the multicam format alive these days.

Casting

Jack Tripper – Nat Faxon

At 39, I think Faxon is in a good place to play Jack as I see him now. He’s a guy who doesn’t really want to grow up, so he’s hanging out with these young girls trying to preserve his youth. He’s still going to cooking school, and hopes to one day open his own restaurant. Part of me doesn’t really like Nat Faxon; something about his teeth bothers me. At the same time, I find myself catching a John Ritter vibe off of him every now and then, and that makes me like him. In the original show, Jack was closer in age to Janet and Chrissy, but I don’t think that has to be the case this time around.

Christmas “Chrissy” Snow – Beth Behrs

Let’s face it – 2 Broke Girls‘ ratings aren’t stellar, and Kat Dennings is probably going to want to get back to movies soon. I think Beth Behrs would be a great Chrissy, as she’s got the beautiful blonde thing going, and she doesn’t have to be a rocket scientist. The funny thing about 2 Broke Girls is that Behrs’s character is supposed to be the smart one, but instead she’s usually the dumb rich girl. That persona would be perfect here, though Behrs might be scared of being typecast in the industry. In the original, Chrissy was the innocent daughter of a preacher who had left her small town to live in Santa Monica, and we’d keep most of that. In this reboot, she and Janet were best friends in college, and that friendship is going strong after 10 years.

Janet Wood – Krysten Ritter

The problem with Janet is that she was used as the straight woman for a lot of the jokes, and it left her without a personality. There’s a reason the show was colloquially known as “Jack & Chrissy”. Janet wasn’t unattractive, but she was no Chrissy. She wasn’t unfunny, but she was no Jack. So, she was just left being The Other One. I wanna switch things up, and give Janet a personality. Since Behrs’s Chrissy is going to be the fun, bubbly one, I figured I’d go in the opposite direction with Janet, making her the bitch with a heart of gold. Nobody plays that character better than Krysten Ritter. For proof, check out Don’t Trust The B- In Apartment 23 or her stint on Breaking Bad. She puts up a snarky wall, but there’s emotion there when she chooses to let you in. When we start to see that, we’ll begin to understand how these completely opposite women could have been friends for the past 10 years.

Larry Dallas – John Larroquette

At 66, Larroquette’s in an interesting place. If you’ve ever wondered what happened to Dan Fielding, the character he played on Night Court, this would just be a continuation of that character. He’s a sleazy attorney who likes his women young. Expect a PARADE of gorgeous women streaming in and out of his apartment.  He’d be the kind of guy knee-deep in the Pick Up Artist community. He sees himself as something of a mentor to Jack, and is a good source for cheap laughs. Think Viagra jokes and the like.

Helen and Stanley Roper – Kurtwood Smith and Debra Jo Rupp

I wasn’t sure that I even wanted the landlords in this reboot, but they’re needed for the comedy. Remember when Bill Cosby and Phylicia Rashad reunited as a married couple in CBS’s Cosby, only this time they were poor? This would be kinda like that, as I’m a sucker for cast reunions. When you think about it, Kurtwood Smith did a pretty great Mr. Roper as Red Forman, and Debra Jo Rupp just needs to make Kitty a tad more sex-crazed, and she’d be a great Mrs. Roper. They’ve got great chemistry, and they’ve worked together for a long time, so it should come pretty easy to them. The Ropers own the building and are constantly butting into the roommates’ business, leading to a LOT of misunderstandings.

Ralph Furley – Jeffrey Tambor

If you don’t want to go the Roper route, there’s also the possibility of Mr. Furley. Once the Ropers move away, Ralph’s brother, Bart, buys the building and hires Ralph as the building manager. The reboot could take place post-Ropers, so we jump right into Furley. Played by the legendary Don Knotts, there’s not really a modern-day equivalent to him. That’s why I went for stunt casting. You see, most folks know Jeffrey Tambor from Arrested Development or Larry Sanders, but he had quite a career as a character actor before that. Also, he’s basically the Terry Kiser of the Three’s Company universe, as he played at least 3 different characters on the show, as well as starred on the spinoff, The Ropers. Even though Furley was kinda spacey, one of his major character beats is that he thinks he’s God’s gift to women, and I could definitely see Tambor pulling that off. Just look at that grin! Plus, it’s sort of like a bridge between the old brand and the new one. I like continuity like that. Anyway, the Furley character would also be butting into the roommates’ business, but he’d also make the occasional pass at the girls. He also hangs around Larry, hoping to get some of his “surplus”.

Summary

This is a One and Done show. It’s not going to be successful because nobody’s clamoring for it. Hardcore Three’s Company fans would cry, “Why are they rebooting the show?!”, while the casual viewer would also wonder, “Why are they rebooting this show?” It would have a lot of buzz surrounding it because of the nostalgia factor, and it would probably launch to decent numbers, but then decline weekly after that. I don’t see it lasting 8 seasons like its inspiration, nor do I really see it making it to 2 seasons. To me, this would play out exactly like the Knight Rider reboot: on paper, a lot of us think we want it, but in execution, we find out that it was better in our memories. On the plus side, you’ll be able to pick up a neat little package of Three’s Company (2015): The Complete Series at Wal-Mart.