LOEB Presents: Collectibles of Tomorrow

I haven’t done such a great job keeping up with my League of Extraordinary Bloggers “dues”. I guess I didn’t really have an opinion on recent topics (I HATE pirates!). When Brian came up with this week’s topic, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to throw something together. Plainly put, Brian asked us what we thought would be considered “collectibles” in the years to come. From the posts I’ve read, most people had some thought out, logical answers to the question. I’m going to take another route. Toys and video games are fun, but I’m always more intrigued by the things that catch on when they have no right to be sought after as collectibles. After all, a lot of what we consume is sold to us on the premise that it’s unique or “worth” something. I’m more impressed by the phenomena that catch us by surprise. Pokemon? That wasn’t a surprise because collectability is built into its business model. I was, however, surprised by Pogs. For anyone not around in the mid 90s, Pogs were collectable, circular cardboard discs, and the game was played by flinging heavier discs called “slammers” at the main discs. It’s essentially a Biblical stoning, with cardboard discs standing in for people. The game is thought to have originated in Hawaii at the beginning of the 20th century, and the original discs were those little caps that cover milk and juice (ya know, under the plastic top). This was essentially a game for poor kids and savages! I kid, I kid…At some point in the 90s, some marketing executive said, “You know what would be totally rad? If we put cool pics on these little milkcaps, and sell ’em like baseball cards! That’s a market that’s NEVER gonna die! Tubular!” Thus, the Pog Boom began. They were kids meal premiums, there were porn pogs, and you could make your own. Meanwhile, slammers were made from anything from plastic to friggin’ iron (confession: I once spent about $20 on a slammer. What? It had a hologram on it and weighed 3 lbs!). So, where am I going with this? I think the next collectible is right under our noses, possibly on top of our dinner: Pizza Box Tents.

Don’t worry if you’ve never heard of pizza box tents. That’s why I’m here – to educate you. You’ve seen them before, but probably never knew their name. Most people call them “the little pizza table” or something like that. After all, they make pretty good tables for when your G.I. Joes are having a cookout. Well, if you have seen them, then you realize what they’re for: keeping the box lid from being crushed down into the cheese and toppings of the pizza. It’s like rudimentary scaffolding. Still, it serves a purpose (just like the original milk caps), but also has a lot of “real estate” for marketing. Just look at the tops of those things. It’s basically a smooth surface, just begging to be adorned by Power Rangers and Spongebob Squarepants!

In order to give these things a “purpose”, I guess there’ll need to be a play component. Here’s how the game works: It’s mainly a stacking game. Ultimately, you’re trying to build the tallest tower. In the place of a slammer, you would use the cheaper version of the box tent, without the flat surface, as support beams.

OK, so we’re still working out the rules. It’s not like anyone’s actually gonna play the game. Hell, the only reason people played Pogs was that broadband internet wasn’t widespread at the time. The hobby will be built on the back of merchandising. To further the whole pizza theme, there will be carrying cases shaped like tubes of pizza dough. Oh, and did I mention what these little things would be called? ZABLES! Let it sink it. Sounds kinda space age, but it’s got two syllables and rolls off the tongue. “Hi, do you all carry Zables?” will be the most asked question during the Christmas season of 2017!

I know what you’re thinking: “That’s pretty farfetched, Will!” Well, plastic’s getting more expensive and toys are getting smaller. One of the smartest moves a toy company could make would be to restrict itself to a 2″ product that already exists in another industry. They wouldn’t even have to foot manufacturing costs! Hell, I’m about to create a Kickstarter to do this damn thing myself! I don’t suppose you wanna go into business with me, do ya? OK, well, I’ll leave this prospectus here, and just think it over, will ya?

Before I go, I want to leave you with this Pog-centric exchange that occurred a year ago. That’s right – I sit on ideas THAT long! Anyway, last February, I saw this on Craigslist:

POGS (reston)

Date: 2012-02-02, 11:26PM EST
Reply to:  ^[Errors when replying to ads?]

i’ve got a gallon ziploc filled about half way with pogs, slammers, a pog board, pretty much everything you need to get started. at least one tube maybe two for storage or travel. i will take just about any offer, ever since the accident i haven’t been able to pog anymore…. this isn’t code for drugs or anything…it’s really pogs… from the 90’s…POOOOGS.. i don’t want them…

• Location: reston
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interest

I think I was hopped up on cold medicine or something (I was pretty sick 1st quarter 2012. I remember it like it was a year ago), so I just had to reply to him with the following:

Hi,