Yes, I know you’ve come to rely on me as your pop culture lifeline, but there are gaps in even my education. I can’t watch/read/play everything, so I’ve missed a few things that might surprise you. For example, I’ve never seen Titanic. Yup, I’m that guy you’ve always heard about. Never seen it, nor do I have plans to change that. I’ve also never seen an episode of Lost. Sorry, but I felt that some dude in his mom’s basement had a better ending in mind than what the audience would get. From what I’ve heard from fans, I was probably right. I’ve also never seen Beetlejuice. This was rectified the other night.
Now, I know most of you have probably seen Beetlejuice, but maybe it was when you were younger. If you’ve seen it recently, how do you feel it has held up over time? Maybe I would’ve felt differently had I seen it when it came out, but these are the thoughts I had while watching the movie:
1) Why is it even called “Beetlejuice“? I mean, he’s not really in the movie as much as his billing would imply. If they release a Blu Ray anniversary edition, it should be called The Skinny Adventures of Dead Jack Donaghy.
2) My God is Beetlejuice annoying! Most of what he says/does shouldn’t even be considered “funny”. They say Tim Burton wanted Sammy Davis Jr for the role, but Keaton came highly recommended. As he ended up as Batman, this clearly didn’t kill Keaton’s career. I just feel like this thing would’ve had Jim Carrey written all over it had they gone into production a few years later.
3) Who felt that this movie would translate well as a cartoon, and are they legally allowed around children? I mean, Beetlejuice was going to force teenage Lydia into marrying him. According to some reports, the original script had him just raping her. Now, I’d never seen the movie, but I’ve seen a good 70% of the animated series. Sure, there were times when Lydia & Beetlejuice’s relationship seemed a bit..odd, but the movie puts it in a whole new light. It’s got a similar juxtaposition as The Real Ghostbusters: in the movies, Slimer’s an elusive pest, yet in the cartoon, he’s their pet/mascot. In the Beetlejuice cartoon, an otherworldy pervert becomes a rainy day pal to a bored goth girl.
4) Has anyone ever posited the idea of a “Beetlejuice Curse”? I mean, sure, it’s a stretch, but let’s look at the what happened to the cast: Jeffrey Jones became a sex offender; Winona Ryder “liked” the five finger discount on the facebook of life; Alec Baldwin got fat and has only recently been forgiven for straight kirking out on his daughter on an answering machine; Catherine O’Hara kept leaving her kid at home, yet never seemed to attract the attention of Child Protective Services; Glenn Shadix died after falling in his home; no one’s seen Geena Davis since 2005. If the Beetlejuice Curse isn’t a thing, it ought to be.
5) The effects were good. A lot of them felt almost wasted, but I like the whole claymationy/practical effects thing they had going on. In today’s world of blue screen, it’s nice to see how things used to be done.
6) No one in the movie is likable. I know I’m supposed to be rooting for Jack Donaghy and Commander-In-Chief, but they kinda suck at life. And at death. Why should I want them to save their house. This was an 80s movie, back when greed was “good”. Fuck them and their house. The Deetzes were a bunch of vapid yuppies, so fuck them, too. Does anyone ever root for the goth chick, except for other goths? Get over yourself and add some color to your wardrobe! So, Lydia’s out. And Beetlejuice is just an asshat. I think I was probably rooting for the sandworms.
7) Kenner had quite the toyline based on this movie, which now seems to be just as fucked up as the fact that they turned it into a cartoon. I remember a lot of those toys (thanks to old Kenner Action Toy Guides), so my favorite part of the movie was identifying all the scenes that had inspired the various action figures.
So, there you have it. If I just pissed in the Corn Flakes of your childhood, I apologize. I just don’t get this movie. I’m also not really a Tim Burton guy outside of the Batman movies, so maybe I’m just not cultured enough to get his work. Considering Beetlejuice came out during a year that saw the release of such classics as Die Hard, A Fish Called Wanda, and Emmanuelle 6, I’m kinda surprised it was as successful as it was. I just don’t know if those same fans would look as fondly upon it now as they did back then.
