“I fucked a mermaid!”
So, since around Thanksgiving, I’ve been stockpiling a shitload of mp3 albums I’ve come across in my blog travels. Half the stuff I’d never even care about were it not free. I’m finding some pretty good gems out there, but there are also quite a few misses. Man can’t live by song parodies and Watchmen reviews alone, so I figured I’d share some of these finds with you. Today’s target is Soul, the latest album from Seal. Released in time for the Christmas rush, Soul is 12 tracks of Seal paying homage to the soul stars of yesteryear. The joke’s on the listener, though, as we find out that Seal’s got NO SOUL. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. I mean, the thing just should have been better. It’s produced by David Foster, for God’s sake! That guy shits Top 40 Adult Contemporary gold. He’s the Timbaland of the former yuppie set. Yet, even he couldn’t save this train wreck of a tribute album. Plainly put, Soul seems more like it was rushed together to fulfill a contractual obligation than a display of any real effort on Seal’s part. You know you’re in a bad situation when you find yourself thinking, “Michael Bolton would’ve been so much better on this CD”. Yup, it’s like that. Anyway, I figured I should probably take you on a track-by-track exploration of its few hits and more numerous misses.
1. A Change Is Gonna Come – Seal singing Sam Cooke’s famous plea for racial equality. Part of me is offended by him doing it, as he didn’t necessarily live through that time. From where is he pulling the emotion? Is it from the kids who used to make fun of his scars? Is it from the time Heidi screamed out Tim Gunn’s name during sex? Answer: he’s *not* pulling any emotion, and it shows. On the other hand, I feel he’s perfectly suited for it, as his life is the shining example of the change that Sam was yearning for, what with his big career and his hot German wife. Dude’s even got a son named “Johan”! Somewhere, Sam’s gotta be saying, “Well, I’ll be damned! That big ol’ African dude is runnin’ up in that?! They let us Negroes do that now?”
2. I Can’t Stand the Rain – Well, it’s got a pumping bass line, but not much else going for it.
3. It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World – Interesting, but no James Brown. To quote Paula Abdul, “You took this song and really made it your own.” This is the kind of song where Seal shines – a suffering ballad, rather than the wail-fest that JB made it. It’s a good, original take on the classic.
4. Here I Am (Come and Take Me) – His voice is all wrong for this. You need Al’s nasal tone on this thing. Seal’s too “clean” for this. Seal’s voice makes women magically want to take off their panties, while Al always sounded like he was trying to convince them, as one hand was busy unfastening their bra. Al had this “skeaze” to him that worked to his advantage. How else do you think he so seemlessly became a preacher? Low blow, I know. Anyway, Seal, you ain’t no Al Green. When Heidi throws a pot of hot grits on you, then we’ll talk.
5. I’ve Been Loving You Too Long – NEXT!
6. It’s Alright – Man, you know there’s a problem when the Huey Lewis cover of a song is better than yours. Yes, Huey’s a cappella cover runs circles around whatever it is Seal’s trying to pull off here. Plus, the smooth jazz background sticks the fork in it.
7.If You Don’t Know Me By Now – This song’s been recorded how many times? And they all sound better than this one.
8. Knock on Wood – NEXT!
9. I’m Still In Love With You – Not bad, but not good.
10. Free – Chill, again the kind of song where Seal excels.
11. Stand By Me – You know how when you go and see your favorite group, and they don’t play your favorite song until the final encore? And when they do, it’s some jazzed up, impure version that you don’t like? And you’re thinking to yourself, “There aren’t any saxophones in ‘Free Fallin’!” That’s what this track is like. He has no respect for the soul or emotion inherent in the song. This should’ve been a hidden track, as he does this song no favors.
12. People Get Ready – Gospel Choir – ain’t nothin’ wrong with that
Track That Should’ve Been Recorded But Wasn’t: Hold On, I’m Comin’. Seal would’ve blown the doors off this song.Bottom line, I don’t think many of these tracks will make it onto the next volume of Seal’s Greatest Hits. The Cooke cover will probably be there, as it was released as a single, but the rest of these tracks are going to be forgotten more quickly than Judy Winslow. And I think that’s probably for the best.
Yeah, I love Seal and all, so this is all very fascinating, but why don’t you get a move on and post my freakin’ quote about the BIRDS OF PREY girl? I’m starving for attention here!
Still no blog entry headed by my awesome quote about acid-spraying mail bombs. You make me sad.