“This is bullshit!”
As I said yesterday, Hollywood has made SDCC its playground, so much so that many of the events and panels leave people asking, “What does this have to do with comics?”. Sometimes, it makes sense. They had Nic Cage, because Ghost Rider had just come out on DVD, plus he had a comic coming from Virgin. They had Gwenneth Paltrow and other cast members from the upcoming Iron Man movie. They even had Stan “The Man” Lee. At the other end of the spectrum, they had the cast of the Sarah Silverman Program, they had assorted cast from Grindhouse, and they were promoting upcoming shows for ABC Family (many of which are already cancelled as I write this!).
Well, this is probably the first post to get me sued, but I had to cross that lne eventually. Here are a few of my most memorable celebrity moments from the show:
Joe Quesada: For those not in the know, Joe Quesada is the Editor-in-Chief of Marvel Comics, home of Spider-Man, Captain America, and the X-Men. Before coming to Marvel, he designed the Bruce Wayne-replacement Batman in the ’90s, and he co-created Painkiller Jane (of the recently canceled Sci Fi Channel show). Joe has been a controversial figure, as he’s the guy that many fans love to hate. A lot of that is due to his accessibility. It’s not that he’s done anything wrong, bu with the advent of the internet, he’s a lot easier to bash. People have criticized him for everything, from his business decisions to his weight. I’ve always liked the guy, and don’t really hold his business decisions against him. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, and he’s proven that.
I met him at the Baltimore Comic Con a few yrs ago, and while he wasn’t doing sketches, I convinced him to give me his signature at the size of a sketch page. That was good enough for me. Now, Joe used to be very large. I mean, “I’m scared for this guy if he doesn’t get ahold of himself” large. So, I was shocked when I saw him at SDCC, because he’s lost well over 50 lbs. The sad thing is that I didn’t even run into him until the mens room. I’m at the urinal, and I notice, “Shit, Joe Q’s peeing next to me!” Once again, I’ve got the fanboy thing under wraps, so I know not to say anything. Especially not in an environment where we’re both holding our junk. That just ain’t kosher. Oddly enough, this dude came in, and DID say, “What’s up, Joe?”, as Joe was handling business. I was thinking to myself, “God, have you no decency?”, but it turns out this was a Marvel guy, and Joe was cool with it. We ended up washing our hands at the same time, and I said “hi” at that point. He responded. No harm, no foul. Yeah, no dirt for ya there, kids…
Bendis: Brian Michael Bendis is probably my favorite comic writer. He’s the first writer whose books I bought because he wrote them. Before, I was buying X-Men because it was X-Men. Spider-Man because it was Spider-Man. Before I knew it, I was buying Avengers because it was Bendis. He’s just got a knack for dialogue. Anyway, after meting Frank Cho and Jim Lee, I felt that the only person left that I was dying to meet was Bendis. I didn’t even realize he was signing until it was too late. Our schedules were booked with meetings, so it’s not like we got a lot of free time on the con floor. I got into the Bendis line 3 people after the guy holding the “last person in line” sign. Honorably, I got out of line and waited off to the side. I knew people who knew people, so I was trying to see if I could still meet Bendis at some point over the weekend. In the meantime, I notice more and more assholes getting in line, despite the guy holding that sign. I guess it didn’t apply to them if they didn’t acknowledge it. Like a trooper, Bendis sat there and signed all of there books, regardless of the fact that he was supposed to be elsewhere by that point. Well, being as stubborn as I am, I just waited. MTV came over to interview him when he was done, and I just stood right there, off to the side. 20 mintues later, when he was done, I finally went over and introduced myself. I somewhat slipped into me, “You’re so awesome” trance, but it was all true, and he was a really nice guy. I didn’t ask him for an autograph because I already bought one years ago (yes, I’m a sucker), and it really wasn’t about that. I really just wanted to meet him. Met the guy who opened my eyes to creators. Mission accomplished.
Ben Templesmith: Ben is one of the cocreators of 30 Days of Night, which tore up theatres back in October. He’s a gracious, friendly guy, and it was great meeting him. I’d actually asked him to do an indie profile that we were running in Previews, and I just wanted to thank him for participating. Once again, great guy.
Frank Miller: Ah, Frank Miller. Creator of 300, Sin City, Dark Knight Returns, the Robocop screenplay, and the “Goddamn Batman”. Frank’s a bit of an enigma. I saw him briefly, as he left one of the Hyatt bars. He looks kinda like Tim Burton’s crazy uncle, as he wear all black, but tops it of with a fedora, like he’s friggin’ Carmen Sandiego or something. Funny enough, he rolls with a posse. I swear, he had his own dark entourage quickly whisking him out of the joint. Well, he looked like he’d had a rough night. I wanted to closer look, but I got distracted when Brian Posehn from the Sarah Silverman Program walked by. I thought I might get a chance to see Sarah…
Elvira: Mmm….the “Mistress of the Dark”. As campy as she might be, she’ll always remind me of the 80s and liquor stores. She and Spuds McKenzie will go down in history as the best friends of the 80s beer industry, and I think Elvira was one of the first hot, naughty girls a lot of us were introduced to. Well, E has aged. I saw her from afar, and wished I’d stayed back. She’s not bad, per se, but you really don’t wanna get too close. I mean, even Bettie Page was rough when she got old. The breasts still look racktacular, though!
Thomas Jane: The Punisher. Well, he punished something all weekend, and I think it came out of a paper bag. He was there promoting his Image comics, Bad Planet and Alien Pig Farm, but he was always so animated. At times, it just seemed like he was the life of the party, while at other times it was clear that he was WASTED! His booth was right next to ours, so I had a good seat for the Thomas Jane craziness. Some days, he’d throw these balsa wood airplanes just to see who/what they’d hit. Then, he started running up and down the aisles, like he was racing an invisible friend. I also think the timing had something to do with things: you see, the studio chose this weekend to announce Jane’s replacement in the role of Punisher: Ray Stevenson, of HBO’s Rome. And it seemed like it was news to him. Yeah.
One night, he came through one of the Hyatt bars, chomping on a cigar (you can’t smoke anywhere in CA, btw), yelling, “This is bullshit!” He kept yelling it, while jumping on the backs of chairs, trying to get the bartender’s attention. He’d give up, jump down, and start flailling around in his Hawaiian shirt, “This is bullshit!” Finally, some brave asshole asked, “What’s wrong, Punisher?” Jane goes on to yell, “They were gonna give me $1.5 mil to do Punisher 2, but the script was shit! It was shit!” A handful of douchebags encircled him, and they were faux cheering him on, like, “Right on, Punisher!” and “Fuck them!” Little did he realize that they were laughing at him and not with him. He flailed a little more, and then stumbled out the door, where I last saw him chatting up some blonde. This exchange would later be described, albeit briefly, in a Wizard article about some completely unrelated comic creator.
Jenna Jameson: That’s right, folks. THE Jenna Jameson. You see, Virgin Comics (Ha! I couldn’t make this stuff up!) is releasing a comic starring Jenna. I can’t even really tell you what it’s about. It’s not a confidentiality thing – I just really don’t know what it’s about. From what I can tell, it’s Witchblade, starring Jenna. It’s such a funny project because everyone expects one thing, seeing as how she has this naughty background, but I think they’re going to end up with something else entirely. Most of the people in line were like, “Jenna, I have all your videos. Oh….you have a comic? That’s cool…”.
Anyway, she was at the show for a signing. Rob and I had had a meeting with Bahrat, Virgin’s head of marketing, the day before, and I’d hinted that I wanted to meet Jenna. Hell, she’s the biggest porn star of all time! Anyone would want to meet her, and I wanted to get as much out of that trip as possible. So, Bahrat told us to come by the booth at noon, and he’d see what he could do. We missed noon because of meetings, but one of the managers on our toy team had actually met Jenna’s manager earlier in the day. Toy Team Guy is gruff and burly; a real man’s man. The toy/merchandise team is always getting porn samples, as we list that stuff in Adult Previews, and I hear he gets all of the hardcore samples. The guy knows his stuff, so when he met Jenna’s manager, they hit it off and made plans to have drinks with Jenna after her signing. Well, the word spread, and I tagged along with their group, as I was determined to meet this woman. So, we diligently hung off to the side until Jenna was done with her signing. I even took some time to visit her neighbor, James Hong from Big Trouble in Little China (AKA “That Old Chinese Dude From Every Movie in the Eighties”). Once it was over, the manager led us over, and we all got to meet her and have our pictures taken with her. She also signed this big-ass poster of the cover of her comic (I’ve got to remember where I put that thing…).
She’s hot, but she’s so tiny. If you’ve ever seen Jenna stuff from her heyday, she was the porn star with curves. Not quite Anna Nicole, but she wasn’t small. With all of the drama in her life recently, from her divorce to her cancer diagnosis, it seems like it may have taken it’s toll. Don’t get me wron: she’s ripped, with a six pack and everything, but it’s such a drastic change. Anyway, she was really cool, and I’m happy that out of the 13 pictures that CVS was actually able to develop, this meeting was one of them. The funniest part was watching Toy Guy as he met her. This is a guy who’s a former Marine, and I’d bet money that he has taken lives with his bare hands, but he was stuttering and giggling like a fool. I think it brought us closer. After we met her, I asked, “Toy Guy, would you be my new dad?” His response? “Only if you call me Mr. Drummond.” And to this day, I call him Mr. Drummond. It was worth it.
Epilogue: As we’re giddily leaving Jenna, I notice this HOT chick rushing across the floor in her direction. Wearing short shorts, she had legs for days, and once my eyes traveled a week north, I realized who it was: Rosario. This was the day after our meeting, and I was still feeling stupid about my whole “I fell in love with you” thing. Also, though, she was GORGEOUS. The night before, I was drunk and she was accessible, but now she was the hottest girl in school, wearing the shortest pants not allowed by dress code, and she was eager to meet the world’s biggest porn star. I wanted to run up to her, saying, “Remember me? It’s Will West! Cool name guy!” But I’m learning to just live in the moment. All that shit about how life’s about the journey and not the destination. I’d had my Rosario moment and that was it. No need to get a restraining order placed against me. I walked off just as I saw them hug, pictures of which showed up in various publications.
Tomorrow’s Chapter: “Everything I see, I either wanna kill it or fuck it!”
