“You’re just a pathetic, old war hero who punched Hitler in the face…you don’t even have 50 friends on your Myspace page!”
Well, so much for this being a detox week…
Chris Benoit…what the fuck? I’m shocked and not shocked, all at once. I mean, he always had those eyes. He was never really a “team player”, but he came and did his job. Plus, he was the best technical wrestler in the industry. I’m not sure what happened there, but I really think there’s more to it. I’m not buying the murder-suicide angle, especially since it was apparently drawn out over a 72-hr period. Who kills their wife, chills for 24 hrs, kills their 7 yr-old, chills for another 36 hrs and then kills them self? I’m not buying it…
Anyway, this post is about dating shows. Man, do I love some dating shows. It’s sad, but I think I like to think I’m living vicariously through them. I’ve never sexed up a chick in a hot tub, but I’ve seen enough cases that I think I can relate. It’s weird because I usually table the dating show thing when I’m in a relationship, but afterwards, I’m right back in the cockpit, with Roger Lodge (Or Aisha Tyler, or the 5th Wheel Announcer) as my copilot. My favorite right now is Exposed, but I’m pretty convinced that it jumped the shark recently.
For the uninitiated, Exposed is an MTV show, where a contestant goes on a date with two people at once. While the date is going on, his/her friend is in a nearby surveillance van, listening in on the date. Everything said by the daters is being run through a lie detector, and the truth is relayed to the contestant via a hidden earpiece. At the end of the date, the ploy is revealed and the dates are given a chance to come clean. Based on the evidence, the contestant chooses the date they’d like to stay with.
When the show first started, it was awesome! I mean, people were getting tripped up on their lies, and there was no way out. Once they’re told about the lie detector, they’re given a chance to come clean, but most don’t exercise this option. They maintain they told the truth (even when it’s something lame, like “I used to date Aaron Carter.”). The point is that the lie detector should come as a surprise. Lately, though, it seems like everyone’s now in on the joke.
The show just recently came back with new episodes, but nobody’s playing their part correctly. For example, when the dater reveals the whole lie detector thing, they first say something like, “I’ve got something to tell you. You’ve just been exposed.” In the initial run of the show, the daters would look confused because they had no idea what “exposed” meant. It wasn’t until the contestant explained the lie detector aspect that the daters became shocked and dismayed. In the new episodes, however, when the contestant says, “You’ve just been exposed”, the daters burst out in disbelief. But that’s the thing: about what are the in disbelief? They supposedly have no clue what “exposed” means, so why are they so quick with their reaction? After all, they haven’t even learned about the lie detector at this point. For all they know, she could mean that their flies were open the whole time.
If these episodes were filmed at the same time, but released in a staggered fashion, that’s fine. However, if there have been tapings since the original episodes aired, how are people surprised? If they’ve seen an episode, they know the format: double date, hot seat, big reveal, date chosen. If you find your ass sitting in the Hot Seat, you should know what show you’re on. I’ve heard reality show stories where the contestants claim that they didn’t know what show they were on until the episode made it on the air. I refuse to believe that’s the case here because the show has a pretty static formula.
In addition, if you’re hanging out at a park, and there’s a weird looking exterminator or plumbing van sitting in a nearby parking lot, your ass is about to be Exposed. Why? Well, for starters, you should know better. Real plumbers and exterminators have white, child molester vans. The flashy plumber vans you see on TV are only on TV. Most plumbers and exterminators are too poor for a flashy van, unless they work for Orkin or Roto-Rooter.
My biggest problem with Exposed, though, is that it relies on the adage that “honesty is important in a relationship”. While that’s a true sentiment, that’s not what dating shows are about. You’re on national TV, meeting a total stranger, asking questions like, “Have you ever farted so loud that it surprised you?” This is not the recipe for a soul mate. I remember a few years back, I had a conversation with a teacher of mine (What up, Pearcy!). I used to be close to a few of my teachers, so we were discussing two dating options that I had. There was the sweet girl, who could be a lasting relationship and there was also the “fast girl” who’d teach me about…”stuff.” Since we knew nice girl wasn’t really going anywhere, he told me that the most utilitarian choice would be to choose the fast chick. And that’s how I feel about dating shows. The most utilitarian choice is the slut/gigolo, because it’s an easy lay, and you’ve pretty much maxed out the potential of the experience. You just did her in a hot tub, after a trip to a costume shop, and a rousing game of “Truth or Dare Ultimate Frisbee”. Chances are you’re not marrying that chick, so get in, get out, and move on to the next dating show. Exposed wastes too much time on “honesty”, while something like NeXt gets it right as it’s as shallow as the dating show format itself.
