“No More Mutants…”
So, lately I’ve been pondering a question which has plagued mankind for decades: Betty or Veronica?
There are so many things to think about in this debate. I mean, instead of weighing pros and cons, you have to get down to the core of their character. Since Archie is such a useless ‘tard, I figured I’d have to get down to the nitty gritty and figure shit out.
Betty is a cutie. She’ll bake ya cupcakes and she’ll feed the homeless. But she’ll never let you know that she thinks of you “that way”. You’ll always be her closest guy friend, and she’ll unknowingly torture you by asking you for advice while she tries on swimsuits in front of you. She secretly longs for ya, but she gets poonblocked (did I just make that up? I think I did!) right as she gets the courage to make a move. And who is responsible for said blocking? Veronica.
Veronica is a hottie, but she’s also a bitch. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, though. Some people like a challenge. She’s a tease, and she LOVES it. She’ll make you buy HER cupcakes, and you’d better not bake ’em yourself ’cause she wants to know you spent money on her. She doesn’t really even like you as a friend, but she likes you as a “plan B”. She likes to watch ya squirm as she puts on a fashion show for ya. She knows Betty likes you, and she couldn’t care less about you until she realizes Betty’s about to move in on her toy. Then, she cranks it up a notch.
Now, let’s get graphic. Betty’s the girl who will act coy, but is just timing herself before giving ya a BJ. Veronica, on the other hand, is the chick you’ll have to beg for a handjob. And when you get it, she’ll make it seem like you’ve inconvenienced her. Betty is a wild, well-kept firecracker, while Veronica is a cold fish who wants you to do all the work.
OK, I’ve clearly thought too much about this, and I’m even disgusted that it’s gotten this far. But I’ve got to finish what I started.
The winnah: Neither
Surprised? My aim was to pick the right girl for Archie. Sure, we each have our preference, but at the end of the day, these fake ladies live in Riverdale and not the real world. I feel like they’re both wrong with Archie, or else he would have made a decision after 50 yrs! Veronica keeps him excited, but he’ll never get it. And he blows all his chances for Betty by falling for Veronica’s tricks. So, it looks like Archie’s gonna end up with Jughead.
Ok, ok. Who would I pick? BOTH. And that fucktard Reggie can watch. Man, I hate that guy!
