“Dave even enjoys some hard rock bands like Genesis and Rush.”
So, in the Great American Radio Tool Off, who’da thunk that Ryan Seacrest would edge out Carson Daly?
First of all, what is UP with Carson? He’s joked that he’s on the Lindsay Lohan Diet, which I guess means he’s now a cokehead. But he’s lost SO much weight. Now, normally, this would be a boon, but it just serves to make his head HUGE. I mean, he’s got quite the cranium. It’s like he’s thinking for three now.
What happened to the Carson of yore? The Carson who may have been a tool, but he was OUR tool. He WAS TRL. Hilary? Go back to “One Tree Hill”. Quddus, or whatever the hell your name is, Justin Guarini called and he wants his head back. 5 yrs ago, if you’d asked me where Carson would be in 2005, I’d have said “President of MTV”. Now, he’s gaunt, he’s got a show that NOBODY watches, and he’s got his little radio countdown. Poor guy. He had it made. He wasn’t looking for competition. Which is exactly how he was broadsided by Seacrest.
Now, I have followed Ryan Seacrest for MANY years. I mean, pre-Idol. I remember all of his terrible kids game shows, like “Gladiators 2000”. I remember his radio countdowns. If you’d asked me where he would be in 2005, I’d have probably predicted he’d be hosting a revival of “Classic Concentration” on GSN. Boy, would I have been wrong!
Not only has he got the Idol gig, but he’s got Casey Kasem’s “America’s Top 40 Coutdown”. Frickin’ Casey Kasem! Shaggy, himself! The man is an institution. All Carson did was replace Bill Bellamy. Plus, with the Idol gig, Seacrest gets to host every other special that Fox decides to have that involves music and/or teens.
But just when I thought he had nothing else up his sleeve, Seacrest dealt the killing blow to Carson: He just signed a deal to co-host and produce Dick Clark’s “Rockin’ New Years Eve” through 2009. And, in this contract, it’s stated that he will take over the show once Dick Clark steps down. But we know that really means it’ll happen when Dick Clark’s batteries die; those Cold War model cyborgs can take quite the licking, I’ll tell ya! Seacrest saw poor Dick after his stroke, and he saw an opening. Ever the opportunist, that smarmy bastard…”Rockin’ New Years Eve”! Not only has Seacrest bested Kasem, but he’s set his sights on “America’s Oldest Teenager”.
Seacrest is playing tracks and taking names! Dont be surprised if you come home one day, and find that your parents have traded you in for Ryan Seacrest. He’s THAT much of a bastard! He must have some kind of Charm Powers but all I know is that we should be afraid. Ryan Seacrest will stop at nothing until he has taken over all forms of media with “America” somehow prominently named. Next, he’ll go for “America’s Funniest Home Videos”, which wouldn’t be too bad ’cause Bergeron is NO Saget. But then he’ll go for “Good Morning, America”. And that’s just the beginning.
These are SIGNS, people! Seacrest is the Horseman of the Clear Channel Antichrist, and we’re just lapping it up. Wake up and rebel! He finished off Dick Clark! That’s like someone kicking your cool, hip grandpa in the nuts. And you wouldn’t want that, would you?
